Life goes on

:)

2012-01-12T19:29:00.002+08:00

due to some blogger problems , I decided to change my account & blog link . Would love to use back this blog link but omg the changing progress is bloody hell complicated -.- Even creating a new account with my own email took me an hour ++. Crazy.

This is my new blog !

poisonsandwine.blogspot.com

I wanna find something nicer as bloglink , i got no idea what so i decided to try my favourite songs.

You're beautiful & Forever For You sounds..abit lame though.

Falling slowly is not available, same goes to Set the Fire To The Third Bar -.- and also Dear John -.- watacrap.

Poison And Wine too. So im a bit fedup and decided to add 'S' to poison. There you go. POISONSANDWINE.blogspot.com :)

shifted all my blog posts there too!

:/

2012-01-11T21:32:00.001+08:00

今天下午睡了整整五个小时，起来的时候很茫然，不知道应该做什么。不，不是不知道要做什么，而是太多东西要做，我不知道要从何做起。

我自己明白，自己不能好好读书的原因。心中有太多杂念的我，根本不能专住于学业。而要排除心中杂念，根本就不简单。我自认是太敏感了，小事情都会让我烦恼一整天，胡思乱想，结果会发现原来不是像自己所想那样，害我烦恼了一整天。
有时喉，我已下定决心努力读书，不要想别的东西，然而说时容易做时难。

很累。很累。
很烦很烦很烦。
要怎么办呢。
好多未完成的事情。

thislife

2012-01-10T17:22:00.002+08:00

I'm not gonna lie , I kinda like this picture. I looked so happy. :)

So...... school reopen for already a week. I got in 5Cekap.. forever alone there because non of my close friends are in the same class with me :/ Sigh. Nasib.

I started all my tuitions , 9 freaking tuitions and I almost got killed by them. I was so exhausted and sleepy every single day and in school I'm like sleep walking.

I tried real hard not to think/ say that 2012 sucks and its the same as 2011. I tried so hard to avoid that topic because people often said if we think its bad then it'll be worse , so ...that's why , I have to stay positive. Though 2012 isn't easy for me.

10 , only 10 days in 2012. I cried 4 times.

Friends've been asking me am I too stressed lately because my forehead grew a lot a lot of pimples. I was shocked also , and completely lost hope in curing it. They pop out non-stop ! Its like , this one cured but another one popped out the 2nd day. Fedup. :(

I told my friends , no , no I am not stress at all. But this friend of mine said :'' I think you very stress lor , you see your pimples , and I was watching you just now , you were frowning all the time. Chill la friend.''

I was bloody tired but I had to go to accounts tuition in half an hour time yesterday in school. I was so tired that I almost cried because I wish to sleep. My friends asked me to drop accounts because I'm not even interested in this subject. I refused to drop because , if I dropped , I'll be only taking 10 subjects in SPM and my dreams to get double-digit A's will be ...much more harder.

Why must I get? Easy , because both my sisters got that in their SPM and of course I want to ~~be the same~~ beat them.

I know , double digits... not easy AT ALL.

ZhiXian brought me a few brochures from Education Fair. All these are all about Hotel Management and Hospitality courses. I told her , :''I don't think I'll be studying all that. I wanna study something Science.''

''Why?''

''Because both my sisters studying that?''

''Omg you're under pressure , confirm ! Don't mind , don't care bout what course your sisters taking , how many A's they got , just study for yourself ok. Quit accounts if you really cannot tahan ! Since you dislike that subject that much. And study what you want ! You got no interests in Science and studying Science will be very hard for you then.''

''....''

I don't know , yeap maybe I am. I used to cry alone in room after my mom compared me with my sisters. I lost to them , in UPSR , PMR , normal tests....

To gain respect in my family , there's only one more chance left , SPM.

I have only ONE shot left. One. And I can't fail this . I can't.

I'm tired. Its OK to be tired , but...I scared I can't catch up. I didn't study hard in Form 4 ..................

Confession ............... I'm still as depressed as before in 2012. I just have to admit that.

But if I can get a good results in SPM , who cares if I am still depressed for my whole life?

If only I can.

What a life.

time

2012-01-03T21:02:00.001+08:00

So... school's gonna reopen ..

tomorrow.

I seriously , and sincerely this time ,

I wanna fix my studies.

I hope its not too late.

2012

2012-01-01T00:01:00.004+08:00

Its 2012.

Hello.

This is really a weird feeling.

I made a long wish just now.

Things will all be fine.

I really hope.

one last cry

2011-12-31T22:34:00.005+08:00

So ...another one more hour to 2012.

And I saw this very lame & ridiculous Facebook status :'' Don't go into the toilet during 11.59pm of the last day of 2011 because you will come out next year.''

I was like omgggggg , so lame ! So I shared it with my parents and they don't quite get it at first.

Anyway , yah , just saying.

1 more hour. Even the day before today I was already superb nervous & scared. To be honest , Yes , I am very very scared because I don't wanna face anymore things like what I had to face in 2011. Those moments , I swear , those were the worst days of my life in these 16 years.

I was like , what was I thinking last time? Complaining life , because of what?

Because of relationship stuffs? Studies??? (that time I'm not even taking pmr yet)

Now I feel stupid for who I was last time. Now , now I know , whats called hard , whats tough and whats suffering.

2009's new year's eve , I wished for a better year because my life was so dull in 2009 , thats what I thought .... 2010's obviously harder , but I had a lot of great times...again , I wished for a better year 2011 , this time , this time , 2011 seriously made my jaw dropped . I was so sad , so negative throughout the whole year . I was determined to study at first since I wasn't satisfied with my PMR results , after somethings happened , I refused to study and no matter how hard I tried to 'talk' to myself , I still won't study. I know it sounds stupid cos .. I don't know. Life was just hard for me , I have issues of everything - family , friends , studies , time management , MYSELF...

Maybe I wasn't THAT miserable , maybe I was just exaggerating? But I don't know , I really felt like stopping the life & all...... I know , I should be grateful. This may be just a small challenge in life. Omg is this is a small challenge , I'll seriously die when it comes to BIG challenges. No no no.

Everyone had their hardtimes , not only me. I know this well because I totally feel like slapping people when they complain stuffs to me and DEMAND me to comfort them or settle problems for them WHEN I HAVE MY OWN PROBLEMS TOO. But, you can't blame them ..as I said , everyone had their own hardtimes & you will never know , how hard their lives are.

2011 , I screwed up everything. Yeah everything.

I'm a sucker that eventhough I knew I am going to regret for not studying hard I still don't study. -.-

SPM year , if I am gonna screw this up again , I might as well not live. SPM is bloody important that if...if I repeat my mistakes again...I really don't know what should I do.

2012 , I used to hope that the world's ending in 2012 , I mean yeap , I have a lot things not done yet but since everyone's dying together , everyone have regrets too , and why not? And I can rest :) After voicing out my fab opinion , I got scolded by friends.....

I still am thinking this way. I mean... ahhh fine , the world will end someday. Eventhough if its not gonna end , what can I do? What can I actually do besides going on with my life?

There's nothing I can do except for moving on.

Speaking bout moving on. I don't think I am that great to move on from the past yet.

Or should I say this way , I DON'T WANT TO?

Past has always been the source of my happiness , when I think back I can actually smile at myself , cry...tears. Everything.

I had a few sleepless nights and I thought of a lot a lot memories of past few years , everything's so beautiful , I can't resist not living in it. You got no idea how addictive it is.

40 minutes more. I am scared.

I saw a star just now and its so beautiful ! Unlike other people , I'm not as romantic as them , I don't like moon because to me , stars are rarer than moon. And stars are smaller , harder to find and spot :) & most of all.....moon is not beautiful to me.

So everytime I see a star , I make a wish . It doesn't matter will all the wishes come true or not...I don't know why am I doing it either. I'll be a lil happier after making wishes anyway.

These are a few people that I truly appreciate every of them.

My parents

My siblings.

Leo Family

Leo Club of SMK Seafield

Best Friends in school .

Primary best friends.

Scouts.

I treasure every of you really. really .

I am a Buddhist . But I dont usually pray , but I prayed this time. Dear one that is watching me from up there , I promise I'll be a good girl , I'll try my best to be disciplined. I'll not do bad things. Please be good to me. I was so sad this year and I've never been this ugly and fat before. Really :( Please be good to me. Please.

I didn't think of myself walking this far , I am 17. Seventeen ! I've never imagine myself in the age of 17 before. I am a young adult already. Sooner , I'll be doing my SPM , going to college , Uni after that , work , get married or stay single..work.....work.......until I die.

I can never go back to those times playing toys , climbing monkey bar in the park...jogging in MPSJ ...playing basketball...drawing on A4 papers... I know , I'll never be there again.

I'll never go back to any of the moments anymore.

I am sad .

BUT what can I do? theres nothing I can do besides bearing with it.

I just want everything to be over fast....

To be honest , I am very tired although its holidays. I am tired. School's reopening soon and tuitions , kokurikulums...studies...everything.

I can , right?

I think I can.

2012.

~Yeepei.

Do you actually remember 2 years ago. I saw you during the same new year's eve also?

Too bad , we will never see each other again.

I don't mean it when I wished my friends Happy New Year...but I mean it now. Happy New Year ...........<3

Tiringdec

2011-12-29T18:12:00.003+08:00

I don't know. I just love some flowers images because ...I felt really peace & relaxing just by looking at them.

I just came back from Penang yesterday. & I owed myself a long blog posts about December 2011.

No one reads my blog.. its just that someday , maybe years later I'll visit back this site & I'll know... I was like this & like that last time.... I did this & that last time...

well...yeah

LOL.

1st & 2nd of December 2011 - Joint Leo Hunger 24 Camp.

Mainly I was busy attending events in December , and this is one of them. This is a camp jointly organised by 8 Leo Clubs , we're not gonna eat for 24 hours .. its something like 30-Hour-Famine in Malaysia. Something like that.

So... at first not many people signed up , because students don't wanna pay RM50 just to starve?

But it was kinda fun , I was just spending more time with my friends , sneaking out from the hall to the pool at 2 in the morning , hiding in a corner to eat some snacks , running around taking pictures... I had my time. Really . :)

But then I felt kinda guilty though for eating.. I wasn't really hungry , I was very easily distracted but then I saw others were eating so I joined. HAHA. what a fail camper. :)

3rd - 10th of December 2011 - Hunan , China Trip .

So the next day after I came home from Hunger 24 I went to China. I wasn't really excited about this trip because...its China ! I don't like China , I think China is dull & boring , well different people with different opinions , like Tian Hui said , China's a great place with delicious food & beautiful places . But I don't quite agree with her though. I like Bali, Bali is nice :)

Infact , this is a actually the first trip me & my family went without my eldest sister. So...its a bit weird though.

In my group tour there is a lot couples , not young ones lah. There's 5 couples & another family with one 8 years old son. So basically there's no teenagers , only me and my sister.

So we visited a jewellery shop in somewhere Hunan.

So the general manager came and greet us himself , he's a Thai but he knows how to speak Chinese. So he began to tell us why he had to greet us himself . He said during tsunami 2001 , his mom was in Sabah, Malaysia. & his mom was saved by Malaysian Chinese. Thats why he's very grateful for Malaysians & every time Malaysian groups visit his shop he'll greet them himself.

I was kinda touched by his way of saying it , he sounded so filial !

But in the end of the trip to the shop , we all know , he might not be that kind & nice , because instead of that , he was so annoying & kept asking us to take a look at his products. & out of sudden , he speaks fluent chinese. How come?

My impression towards China people changed in 2003, when I was in a trip in BeiJing. In BeiJing's streets , there were so so many beggars , they're all old & handicapped. I was so sad seeing them like this , we're all humans but our lives are so different. I almost cried and I begged my mom to spare them some money . My mom scolded me that there's a lot fake beggars here in China , I didn't believe her because.. those beggars ''don't looked like they're these kind of people''. LOL So , finally , my mom gave me a few penny to shut my mouth up and I raced up to one of a old chinese lady and dropped some coins in her tin. She was so happy and her smile brightened up my day. I was very happy too :) after awhile , I saw this same handicapped old lady was climbing a railing.......

WhataHELL.

So bad of her to con such a naive & adorable 8 years old kid like me :(

And yeah , to me , they have a lot ways & patterns in making money. & I don't like it ! I have to be alert & aware at all times while travelling there .

Yeah , I had this not very memorable trip in China this year , it was just..okay for me.

But then I should be grateful I get to travel to China isn't it? I should....

11st December 2011 - Lions Club Childrens Christmas Party

So 6 Lions Club organized a Childrens Christmas Party in SS19 , Subang Jaya. So we Leos went and help out. There's a lot kids ! So adorable. I only had a very short bonding session with them.

Most of all , I met this guy here.

Lions Club called the ice cream man to come . So me and my friends went up and asked for ice cream , I was staring at the pictures of ice cream hesitating whether which one to eat , I haven't been eating ice cream for a long time ! Realllly !

So this ice cream man here suggested me a banana concept ice cream , it didn't look delicious nor tasty , but then I don't wanna let him down so I said okay. So after he passed me the ice cream I was gonna walk away but he started talking to me.

He said this banana ice cream just launched in Indonesia or Vietnam one month ago and its like one of the best seller there. Then he told me a lot stuffs bout ice cream ..

I wasn't interested with ice cream at all , but then he looked really bored. Life of a ice cream man , we will never know how tedious is it yeah? He looked so lonely , he kept on talking & talking , somehow I can feel that he's actually afraid of me leaving.

But then , I left awhile after cos I have stuffs to do. I am sorry. :(

It was nice chatting with you , it was. I'll never forget you :)

12th - 15th of December 2011 - Ipoh Trip & District Leo Camp 2011

Because we don't have enough Selangor leos to rent a bus up to Cameron to attend the Leo Camp so 12 of us went to Ipoh by train and stayed there for a night then the next day morning we followed Ipoh Leos up to Cameron :)

It was my first time taking train. I was kinda excited all , but then its nothing actually. So we arrived at Ipoh around 2 or 3 and we went to the condo Ipoh leos booked for us. There's a very small but beautiful garden & playground , with a pool ! Its so beautiful there & we expected the room to be very nice , something like the garden. But then...we were all wrong . The rooms are superb small , there's 2 single beds & one small tv & there's not much space left. We rented 3 rooms , luckily. So 4 person per room and one room per night is RM35, so each of us paid 9 bucks for a night. SO CHEAP omg . Kinda suck but yeah , it was just a night to sleep , its okay.

So we were planning to swim but non of us brought swim suits :/

We went to a restaurant to have our dinner & we celebrated Lion Mary's birthday there .

At night , we all gathered in one room & gossiped . Until like 3 or 4am , everyone decided to sleep and me , SynnJye , Zhixian , Vincent & XiGene went down and played around the pool. Kinda reminds me of Hunger 24 :)

5am , we all went up and watched the black & white tv. & me and SynnJye actually fell asleep on the guys' beds ! HAHA.

Leo Camp was fun , I made a lot of friends through this camp. Me and some friends are closer than before too. It was really nice gossiping with Ipoh Leos till 6 in the morning. :)

And all of us are so close now ! :)

I'll sure miss those times. I'll :)

21st of December 2011 - Christmas Charity Concert

I had fun :)

26th - 28th of December 2011 - Penang Trip

Nothin' much. Penang....... I was kinda bored maybe as my mom said , because both my sisters' not there and no one talks to me? My brother's a naughty boy.He was so naughty in the trip !

And... Penang is not as nice as i remembered 2 years ago .

I went to Gurney Plaza and met up with Christopher and my new friend , Kenny . We met Sherlyn & her YE guest from Australia , another of her friend & her friend's YE from Japan.

It was nice meeting them :)

2011's ending soon ! I have so many things to say. so many.

I shall blog again , on 31st.

life.

zzz

2011-12-25T19:26:00.002+08:00

Last Christmas , I gave you my heart. But the very next day , you gave it away. This year to save from the tears , I'll not give to anyone.

2011's school reopened , you acted like nothing happened.

2011's Christmas , you came back again.

I don't wanna reply your message , but at last, I did .

zzzzzzzzzzz

Go to hell.

:/

2011-12-24T23:08:00.002+08:00

I spent my christmas' eve's night watching this . I bought the DVD weeks ago but I thought of watching it with my friends so I didn't.

But then looks like everyone watched , and I am the only one who're so outdated...

Infact , in such lonely christmas eve , what else can I do? :(

Its so depressing to watch such romance movie alone. on. christmas. eve.

Anyways yeah , this movie is actually a movie I wanted to watch for a long time but I've no time for it. So mommy bought me the DVD !

Its nice. Its kinda touching too.

I'm always complaining about my dull highschool life and all..but then , you know I don't mean it. Of course I mean it at times. But still , when I said I wanna get out of high school as soon as possible , you know I don't quite mean it.

Time flies , I'm graduating too in one year time.

I'm just a bit depressed because I had to stay home during Christmas eve. I don't know why but for me Christmas is nothing , and Christmas eve is everything. & its real pathetic & sad that my friends out there are celebrating happily but I'm here , sick at home :(

Sighh. Its okay. :)

Merry Christmas

Santa

2011-12-24T16:27:00.002+08:00

Its Christmas , again. I am not a Christian , but then Christmas is always a very special day to me . I actually love Christmas more than any other days cos.. I don't know.

Leo Club of SMK Seafield actually organised a Christmas Charity Concert few days ago in Taylors College Subang Jaya. This is actually a first event I involved in... well I did involved with Leo Fellowship Night also in April 2011. But then to be honest I did nothing , I was just incharge of ushers. LOL

Now that I'm one of the organizing committee and I have a few form 3s to take care of and to lead them , I finally understand how hard is it to organise an event . I learnt that to organise an event , you must be very thoughtful towards every tiny stuffs . Me & my committee actually worked quite hard for this . Infact , we're hosting 6 other clubs from Ipoh , we had to arrange their accommodation , pick them up from KTM station / KL Sentral.. make sure they have activities while staying in KL. It was tough & busy.

Not to say I am the only one suffering , but all of us. & I fell sick after coming back. But phewww , luckily I fell sick after the event not during the event. At least everything was successful and I received quite a lot of good comments for the event.

Aww. :)

I just wanna thank my organising committee for working so hard. Especially the guys , Vincent actually travelled alone to KL Sentral to pick up 1 Ipoh Leo. Just for 1 person and he had to go all the way to KL Sentral alone. And to be honest , we earned not much but experience :) I had fun . And sad to say my bestfriends from Ipoh & my Leo Family actually are way more supportive than my best friends in school.

They came all the way from outside just to support. Like JengHaw said :''Do you really think that I go KL for the event? No , just to support you.'' I was like AWWW thank you :') , while my bestfriends in school , some they didn't event attend , some they even doubt that should they go because it looked 'boring' . I was a little disappointed. Can't they just come for supporting me ? :(

Anyways yeahh , the event was successful & I was like... :'' In your face my dear.''

First time ever giving a speech infront of huge crowd.

I went to my dad's friend's huge mansion for a Christmas Party yesterday. I was bored because I don't know anyone there although there is a few teenagers. My dad's friend's daughter , Andrea saw me and introduced me to a few of her friends and it was nice meeting them because they're all nice.

& out of sudden , someone broke a glass and their maid came and sweep it off. I was....errr kinda awkward there because the rest of them continued talking & I am so lost? So I walked away .

So my dad's friends gave a speech , he talked about a guy named Shawne , who passed away few days ago because of an accident. I thought of E Kent , why? Why must all young , good & brave kids leave in such young age?

Home , I added Andrea in Facebook & I saw some posts about the guy named Shawne. He's such a goodlooking boy. & I can see that he's well loved by everyone.

... But why?

I don't know you but , Merry Christmas , Shawne . :)

I actually had plans for Christmas eve , today. Me & other LF members were planning to spend the day in KL hanging out. Then evening we'll come back to Subang to have a drink & countdown but unfortunately I am still sick and I wanted to go but I felt so tired at the same time.

I guess I have to spend this day alone at home watching The Polar Express like past few years again huh...

I don't know why I love this movie so much. My siblings said its very boring. I don't know. I always imagine myself as the boy in the movie. I teared everytime I watched this , its just..simply too touching. A story that all kids wished to happen in real life. How wonderful if Santa really do exist here in the north pole? How wonderful if there's really a train called The Polar Express? How wonderful if elves really do exist? ...
It was a great story. I love it so much. I watched it a lot of times already but I've never get bored of it before. But , I'm 17 soon. I should stop living in all these fairy tales isn't it?

So fast. A few more days , I'm officially 17 and stepping in Form 5 soon.

2012.

So fast. I have so so so many things to say but I don't know where to start. I have so so so many things to tell but I don't know what can I tell you about it.

I don't know . I really don't know.

I'm having a lot things in my mind now.

Shall watch The Polar Express to calm myself down.

Merry Christmas everyone. Do make a wish tonight :)

only one

2011-12-23T15:01:00.002+08:00

So I have been a little busy in December.

I have so so much to blog about but I don't know where to start.

I was so tired after organizing the Christmas Charity Concert along with my committees and I fell sick. :(

Dear one ,

I've found someone like you. Someone that when I saw him , I looked into his eyes and I saw you. The feelings I had on him is slightly more than I had on you. But , you both gave me these same old fake hopes.

why?

past

2011-12-11T21:20:00.002+08:00

Past.

I'm going to a camp tomorrow. I'll be back on the 15th.

I have to blog before I go cos..

14th is a very important day.

I can't say much here but..its a day that changed my whole life. Its the day I officially go crazy bout past because I don't usually reminiscence before that.

I am so tired , things are all racing up towards me, I don't know how to handle them , I wanna run and escape but you know... its not that easy.

Problems & things that I have to do increase follow up by my age & days.. I don't think I'm capable enough to handle life now. I know, I'm like SUPERB lucky to have a complete family , with no financials problem , I have everything : clothes , food , shelter.. more than I need...I'm healthy - most importantly..

Poor people that only able to have only 1 meal a day...sometimes they don't get to eat at all.

People with disabilities..

People with financial problems..

Orphans..

What am I thinking man. One moment I was so grateful and here am I , complaining how unhappy I am in current life , complaining I have no time to complete everything I want/ I have to do.....complaining life is too hard for me...

I'm sorry. I'm deeply sorry for my ungrateful-ness. But I really need help in all these. Tell me ! Scold me !

I need a counselor...

I will try my best to appreciate things and be grateful. I know its impossible to step into the past, but let me reminiscence okay?

I'll not forget 14th dec.

zhmjsgpgkvynhlpmscrs

I miss. I really miss.

If its not fate , why did the song played at such right time?

#wordsineedtohear - you are allowed to step into the past

sos

2011-12-10T12:41:00.002+08:00

Omg...so many things to do , so little time.

I need help , so much help.. I dont know what to do or should I say ..I don't know where to start?

I wanna sleep , but there's so many things not settled yet. I'm so tired.

I dont wanna take charge of anything anymore. Omg ..

its so tiring.

What should I do now. omg this is very frustrating.

help..

SOS.

run

2011-12-10T03:39:00.003+08:00

I had my time thinking and wondering , trying to figure out everything...

I wanna escape .

only one

2011-12-03T01:30:00.000+08:00

No regrets of doing that.

I had my time.

November 2011

2011-11-30T23:43:00.007+08:00

1.12.2011 , 12.40am.

1st of December.

First day of the last month of 2011.

Its coming.

NOVEMBER 2011.

Beginning of the month , I'm officially set free from exams. But not exactly free from other stuffs. Because not long later , I knew my exam results online. It was..devastating.

I went out a-lot. And when I say a-lot , that must be a lot of outings. I went out almost every two days , I slept like a pig , I ate like a cow..I dream like a lifeless dreamer.

I've wasted ONE WHOLE MONTH , and when I said 'wasted' means what I did for this whole month did not bring me any benefits.

& too much sleep made me feel extra tired.

Spending days by days lifelessly.. I've lost track of time..I had to check the time & date everyday because I got no idea what date is it?

I've lost my directions..I didn't know where to go , & where to stay. Just like the picture above , should I move ..to the future. Stay present , or turn around , go back to the past?

I know life is like that - once you're in the wrong path , there's no way you can go back...

I'm not quite sure where am I heading to now..its all so confusing.

Lots of effort is needed for me to balance up the life..especially me , someone who reminiscence past so much.

As I said , I've been going out a lot lately and every time after I came home , I onlined on facebook. & there will be bunch of people spamming the facebook chat throwing all their problems to me. It was SO FRUSTRATING . Especially when someone kept telling you all his problems and EXPECT YOU TO SOLVE THEM for him.

That pissed me off at times , I wanted to fire back..but sigh. They are just seeking for some advices and help.

I wish I could tell them , leave me alone. I am not reliable , I am not a good counselor. Maybe they're just bored. I dont know.

But.........its really really frustrating to listen to people's problem , especially when you yourself have some too.

No , no I don't mind listening to friend's problem of course.. but..the way they said it, its bloody demanding and rude. Omg friend ,you're seeking for help from a friend , aren't you suppose to ask politely?? & you're not the only one who's having problems. & you're just having minor problems like RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS? Omg , get over it man , you have far more important stuffs than that....and I am no pro in these .

Stop asking me what can you do for her. COS I DONT KOW.

Stop asking me what is she thinking. I AM NOT EDWARD CULLEN HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW.

Stop asking me why is she not replying your texts. HOW I KNOW??

I AM NOT HER. I know that you dont expect answers from me , but I know you're expecting at least something that can make you feel better. But I seriously don't know. You know I am perfunctory in my replies , you know that . I kept on HAHAHA because I don't know what to reply.

I know you need some one to talk , but ........sigh.

NEXT.

I don't like people chatting with me and expect me to reply fast. FIRST OFF , YOU AND I GOT NO COMMON THINGS TO TALK ABOUT. SECOND , WE GOT NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT. LASTLY , I DON'T ENJOY TALKING TO YOU AT ALL.

Why are you always making me to feel guilty for not replying you? Why?? Its so frustrating every time you interrogates me , the reasons I didn't reply & all. Why???

''Where did you go? What did you do. Who're you with?????????????????????''

Its driving me NUTS !!!! You don't like me I don't like you and both of us knew that CLEARLY.

I tried to hint you that I am a little busy for little chattings, I did .

You and I got nothing to talk about. THAT'S IT. Whats the point of chatting when our conversations are full of HAHA HAHA AND MORE AND MORE HAHA???

Oh god..................... I replied your msgs because I know the feeling when someone ignores the msgs. I replied because I was just trying to be polite.

Its just like that la okay?

We're destined to be Hi Bye friends only .

I am so tired today after lots of walkings & all. I've been worrying about things. plannings all. So tired. I don't know who should I confide to , so ..you know , lots of rantings will be here.

Its December ! I felt like dying seriously..Its like............

I don't know , last month of being a Form 4 student. I am so tired in 2011. So what to you think about 2012? Bloody tired , this is killing me. And its only SPM. Its not even college tests or what.

I felt like I headed to the wrong path..path that is so...narrow. I can hardly breathe.

There's no way out. :(

Me in November 2011. Spending time with fam in Overtime , Sunway Pyramid. It was a great night and I felt so happy although we only stayed there for an hour. I love pubs , bars and all. I like the atmosphere there ! Its not as crazy as club actually , just people sipping on liquors and listen to the band. The bands there are kinda not bad though . I love all except for the smokers there.

Greyson Chance concert 11.11.2011. I don't quite like him because I felt like a pedo , but it was a great night spent ... Its the past and fact is I'll never be spending with these girls in a night at KL , with Greyson Chance again.
This is class party 2011. I had a great night although lots of people did not turn up due to the last minute plannings. These are the people I am happy with , without pretending , without any worries ... because they're just so sweet & lovely :)

I seriously hope that we will still stay in the same class. Really. *cross fingers
Ice Skating with the usual gang. It was a splendid outing. Because the last time we actually hang out in Pyramid was long long time ago. Maybe a year & half ago? I was real happy to have them when I was in Form 3 , when the gang was first formed. But not now , not when we're all drifting apart..not when the gang is not complete.. not when we're not all as kiddy as last time.

Remember we used to play hide and seek in Chau's house?

Remember we used to play basketball at night?

Remember we used to surprise Chau in his Usj6's house?

Remember the last time all of us went Redbox ? That was during last year's February.

Remember Genting trip? Omg I miss this most :/

Remember the last day of Seafield Challenge we went KK to swim?

Remember?

I do.
KL trip in November 13.

It was so great to hangout with friends at KL. I like KL so much ! The moment I was so scared when we were walking in the dark in the dark & crowded Petaling Streets. But they made me feel safe at that time. I didn't know the directions to anywhere , I got NO idea AT ALL. and with them , I felt safe all the time, they are like my older brothers , they ALWAYS know what to do and where to go.

It was all categorized under the word PAST now.

那些年，我还很快乐的日子.

29.11.06

2011-11-29T17:11:00.005+08:00

十一月二十九日,是对我来说非常重要的一天.

五年前的今天，我还记得清清楚楚。

但是，小女孩的爱恋，怎能长久？

毕竟，我当时才十一岁。

他，是一个很好的男生。虽然我们根本就是没有谈恋爱的经验，可是，每一次跟他说话，都是很刺激的，因为我会很紧张，很兴奋，很开心。

十一岁的恋爱，怎能算是恋爱？也许那只不过是puppy love.

可能是因为初恋的关系，四年来，我始终忘不了。

其实,我们早从小学毕业当天，已分道扬镳。

他活得开心就好了.

1 more day , then Novemeber 2011 will be gone ..forever.

Last month of being a Form 4 kid , you know , I know and we both know that 2012 won't be any easier than 2011.

I thought I can sleep all I want , eat all I want and I can be real lifeless for two months because..I'm tired of school & all.

But December 2011 , my schedule is fully packed ! I'm not a busy woman or what , but its just filled with a lot stuffs that I dont even want to do or join.

I just wanna stay home. I just wanna sleep all day . I don't like going out , facing things I don't want to face.

I don't like going out with people I don't want to go out with at all.

I don't like joining camps I don't want to join.

I don't like going places that I don't want to go.

I don't want..

I wish to be alone at home. But its not for me to decide , is it?

I'm all screwed , I promised myself to study because I screwed up my JPS paper badly .

Less than one more year , I'll be sitting for SPM. I can't. I am not ready at all.

How I wish I can go back to sleep. And stay in my dreams forever , even if its a nightmare. Because..I don't know. How silly I am to choose nightmares over reality.

I've been busy thinking , planning all. I'm always worrying bout something I shouldn't be worried about. I don't quite like it.

I wish to leave.

dontcomeback

2011-11-25T21:03:00.001+08:00

Finished watching the drama War and Beauty. I really dislike sad endings. :(

Sigh. Needa get over it soon.

I don't like it.

Cello

2011-11-25T15:28:00.000+08:00

My hair look so long here and I look so happy :) Its just that day.

Last Sunday we brought the kids to Zoo Negara. They're very different with the first batch of kids we brought there before. They're... nice at first . But so demanding !

I miss the cute lil girl. She's like a younger sister to me :)

Still waiting Junyang to upload the pictures to Facebook :)

I didn't know there's this thingy in my house ! I saw it outside in my garden today , and the sunlight shone on it , its so beautiful ! :)
I am so lifeless. When I'm still in my old room upstairs , at least there is something I looked forward to everyday...the sunset.

I'd look outside the window and wait for the sunset every evening. Now i shifted downstairs and ..no more sunset for me :(

sighhh

Seventh Letter

2011-11-22T15:24:00.000+08:00

I was so bored & so lifeless at home . No one else to talk to , so I guess that's the reason why I blog almost everyday. :)

And I realized I missed this film out in my lists ! I love to watch movies so much that asking people what's their favourite movies is the way I show my interest in them. I don't know but I can actually judge a person by their favourite movies. Cool huh? :)

This is Cape No.7 , a Taiwanese romance film , an award winning film. This movie is very inspiring and sad ..at the same time. Although its a good ending but it took me quite sometime to get over it too. :/

In the 1940s , a Japanese teacher came to Taiwan & fell in love with a local girl with a Japanese name Tomoko. The teacher was forced to return home because Taiwan was placed under the control of Republic of China. So , he wrote seven letters to Tomoko.

But the Tomoko did not receive any of the letters.

60 years later , there's a boy named Aga. He's the step-son of the Town Council Representative. His step father arranged a job as postman for him to replace a injured old postman. So he found these unsent love letters. He opened and read all of them.

He decided to send all the letters back , but the old address Cape No.7 can no longer be found.

Soon ,there's a music beach concert and Aga's step father wants Aga form a band and perform. And a Japanese girl named Tomoko is in charged in managing this band. Tomoko & Aga fell in love and one day Tomoko found these love letters in Aga's room and insisted Aga in sending back the letters. Through a hotel maid which is Tomoko ( the old one )'s grand daughter , Aga sent the letters to the Tomoko.

Its a very beautiful love story..

You'll not regret watching it. I love that movie so much that I listened to it's soundtracks every day and I want to watch again !

But its so sad.

I'll end this with Cape No.7's famous line

'' 留下来，或者我跟你走'' -Aga

ImInLove

2011-11-21T16:44:00.000+08:00

I was very desperate to watch some movies at home. But truth is - I got no time. Because I've spent 70% of my time sleeping. YEAH I'm now officially crowned as The Sleeping Beauty !

Or the pig. But my mom's right , the more I sleep , the more I feel sleepy & tired. I am. I just feel so lifeless that sometimes I wished to be a little busy for other stuffs.

I have so many DVDs at home , Daddy doesn't like watching movies in the cinema. He claimed that watching movies at home is more comfortable than in the cinema. Agreed . And so , he bought a lot of pirated DVDs at home. I didn't even finish watching 80% of them. Daddy & I have a very different taste when it comes to movies.

When people told me :'' You like fantasy.'

' I'll be like :''NOOOO !''But then I realized , they're right. Look at my lists of favourite movies - Lord of The Rings , Narnia, Polar Express... Yeap all of the movies are something impossible to happen in real life. When I was young , or even now , I always imagine myself as Frodo in LOTR.. Lucy in Narnia...The boy in The Polar Express...How I wish all these will come true , its like..escaping the city ..
:(
I have to admit I love romance movies too. I mean..every girls love it ! Anyways , this is list of my most favourite romance movies. I know , everyone said that there's a lot legendary romance films like Casablanca , Dirty Dancing , Dying Young & all , I'd love to watch but these movies are so old that I don't know where can I find? :/

5. The Notebook.

The Notebook , a lot people find it touching ..but for me , it was just alright. It was beautiful though.,beautiful as in Rachel McAdams , Ryan Gosling ( !! ) , the places , the city and the story. This is the movie that Ryan Gosling captivated me. I watched this movie twice , alone in room , because there's so so so many kissing scenes that it'd be superb awkward if I watch this with family or friends. LOL

Its about Allie ( Rachel McAdams ) was down to the coastal town of Seabrooks to spend the summer with her fam. And of course , she met Noah ( Ryan Gosling ) who is a mill worker. Both of them fell deeply in love and you can say they're totally inseparable. & the parents of Allie found out & brought her home & kept all the letters Noah sent to her. Allie thought Noah did not write to her and sooner , she forgot about Noah & fell in love with a soldier named Lon. Seven years later , Allie saw Noah on the newspaper with his new mansion. The mansion was made for Allie . Allie rushed back to Seabrooks days before her wedding and found out both of them still have strong feelings for each other. And of course , Allie chose Noah and they lived happily ever after.

Okay I'm not so good in story telling , the movie is much more interesting than my story so..its still worth watching it. :)

I just love movies like that , the story dates back to the 1940s or 50s.. its just beautiful.

4. Slumdog Millionaire

I like this movie so so much ! I find this movie very touching, and very creative. Dev Patel is definitely my first idol from Bollywood . :) & Freida Pinto is beautiful , very beautiful. This film won many awards ! Its like one of the best romance movie I watched. :)

Jamal Malik ( Dev ) knew Latika ( Freida ) when they were young and they were found by a gangster who trains kids to become beggars on the street.Jamal , Salim ( Jamal's brother ) and Latika called themselves The Three Musketeers. Latika is the 3rd Musketeer , but they do not know the name of the 3rd musketeer. The gangster blinded the kids so they will be more profitable as beggars. So Salim , Jamal and Latika , they wanted to escape by jumping onto a train. But Salim did not pull Latika up when she's trying to get on the train. Later on , Salim & Jamal lost contact because they parted in their own way. Many years later , Jamal found Salim but failed in finding Latika. Through Salim , Jamal found Latika and they reunited. Jamal confessed his love but Latika wants him to forget about her. Jamal & Latika lost contact when Latika is captured by Javed.

Knowing that Latika loves to watch the show Who Wants To Be A Millionaire , Jamal joined the competition. Its like answering questions and win the cash. He made it to the final question , which is a step away from the grand prize , 20 million. The police arrested him and interrogated him , because they think its impossible for a slumdog to know all the answers. But truth is , Jamal's past provided him every answers for the questions.

For the last question , the name of the third musketeer .

Salim was very guilty for his past behaviours so he gave car keys to Latika and asked her to escape from Javed. After that , he killed himself and Javed.

Jamal phoned Salim for the answer but it was Latika who picked up the phone. Latika told Jamal that she is safe now and Jamal was very relieved ,so he randomly picked 'Aramis' for the answer and won the grand prize. Jamal and Latika then lived happily ever after.

Happy ending :') But Salim is a good man :(

Anyways , this is a great film .

3. Pearl Harbor

This is a legendary film ! I almost cried watching it anyway. Kate Beckinsale is freakinnggggggg lucky , she get to be with these 2 SUPERB SUPERB HAWT men ! Omg , Ben Affleck & Josh Harnett?!?!?! They are one of the hottest men in the world ! Seriously.

But there's not a very happy ending for this movie though. Danny ( Josh ) died in the end. It was very sad . I love Josh so much in Pearl Harbour because..he's too adorable ? But then in the movie he sort of snatched Evelyn ( Kate ) away from Rafe ( Ben ) , infact , Rafe & Danny are like brothers.

Ben Affleck is superb hot. I don't know how can I resist :( And and and , we shared something in common. We shared the same birthdates ! So cool :)

Anyways , Pearl Harbor , one of the best films ever.

2. Dear John
Dear John & The Notebook are both written by Nicholas Sparks. Nicholas Sparks writes lovely love stories but , I love the movies more than the books. I read A Walk To Remember, and maybe I'm always reading in rush , I find it tedious instead of touching. Well I'm always reading in rush ! I'm that kind of person who wants to know only the ending.

I watched Dear John before I read the book. I definitely love the movie more , maybe its because the ending is better than the book? Or maybe its because of Channing Tatum & Amanda Seyfried are both my favourite actor and actress? anyways , I think if John & Savannah were played by other actor or actress , it wont be that beautiful anymore. They just fit the characters so perfectly .

If you haven't watch it yet , this is the story. John ( Tatum ) met Savannah ( Seyfried ) while he's on leave back at his home at Wilmington , North Carolina. Savannah is the name of Nicholas Sparks' daughter in real life :)

Savannah is a college student on her spring break and they met and they fell in love. It only took 1 or 2 days for them to fall in love with each other , well that's what you called it love at first sight I guess :) But two weeks later , John had to go back to the army while Savannah had to go back to her college. They sent letters to each other regularly and then here comes 911 incident where John chose to re-enlist. But the feelings faded and the last letter John received from Savannah , it was a Dear John Letter , telling that she is now engaged to someone else. John was devastated.

John was so sad that he re-enlist for the next few years. After the death of his dad , John visited Savannah and was told that she still loves him as much as she loves him when they first met each other. But John left and sold his dad's coins collection so that the money would help in raising money for Savannah's husband in his lymphoma treatment.

In the book , they are not together in the end . It took me so long to get over the fact that that is the real ending. The movie comforted me a little though. In the ending of the movie, they met each other on the street and they hugged? What does that supposed to mean? Sighhh they got no idea how much the ending means to me.

It was a very touching and beautiful love story though. Its like normal love stories , a wealthy girl that met a poor boy. And something about wars and soldiers..blabla.

Dear John , a movie that sort of..deeply affected my mood in these 2 months.

Last but not least

1. Titanic

I love this scene more than the ''I'm flying'' scene.

Titanic . Words are needless now..

But I really don't like the ending , its haunting me for years & months and still is now. Sometimes I tried so so hard just to get over the fact Jack died or something.

A beautiful story , can't you make a happy ending since its fiction?!

When I was young , I was told that Titanic the movie is based on a real story , I don't know who told me that but I was so sad because I thought even the stories between Jack & Rose are true too.

Its just...so sad.

Dear John & Titanic & Pearl Harbor's soundtracks are the songs in my blog. Check it out , its really sad though.

Sigh.

Dear John.

Teddy

2011-11-19T17:45:00.000+08:00

Truth is , I CAN LIVE WITHOUT ANYONE. Everyone else can.

I mean , even if everyone left us , we can still live isn't it.

If you think that I can't live without you , just leave . Because i definitely can.

Life is short , live well you bitches .

Cant Take My Eyes Off You

2011-11-17T20:12:00.000+08:00

Can't take my eyes..off you..................... - The Blower's Daughter , Damien Rice

I am so bored and no one's talking to me , so I'll talk to myself here then.

How funny it is if someone got depressed after listening to some emo songs... I just did. And I think I'm funny and ridiculous.

I tend to think a lot a lot, I don't know , I just think about anything , I love thinking , I love imagining things , I'm that kind of dreamer you know , not those lovely ones , but the lifeless ones. People always say that dreams are the key to the success... look at me...

Maybe I'm just a fail dreamer. :/

Anyways , I went through a lot a lot of the old pictures , old friends' pictures and blog posts all. Realized how different my life was compared to the current one . How different. I didn't expect myself to turn out like that. LOL I didn't , seriously. When I was in Form 1 or 2 , I didn't even predict my future , I didn't even plan , I just enjoy the youth happily. So actually , I'm not quite sure whether am I leading to the right way. I mean , obviously not ! But I still think there's a slight chance for me to change , slight ones.

I miss the old times & the people.

Its hard.

It is. :/

I have to make a change. A LIST ! Yes yes this is for real.

1. Move On

2. Clean Up the room

3. Get back on track

4. Healthy life

See You Soon Then

2011-11-17T16:58:00.000+08:00

This blog has the saddest songs ever.

So sad , if only we could escape & not care.

Ball

2011-11-17T01:20:00.001+08:00

I love bubbles.

Life will be so much easier if we're told what to do . Sometimes I'm just a bit lost & don't know where should I head to?

I'm confused. & I thought I'll have things sorted out in this hols but ...this hols is not as free as I thought? But , I'm still being so lifeless and waking up at 2pm and sometimes 3pm.

Wake up , sometimes i ate a lil of bread or cereals and I'll continue being lifeless till around 7pm , and I'll eat a proper meal. That's so unhealthy and seriously , lifeless the word is created specially for me. I've never met someone that is so lifeless before , and of course , I am definitely not proud of it. I'm ashamed..

I had a lot weird and scary dreams these days. But of course there's lil parts that is so sweet that even its a nightmare , I don't wanna wake up. Sometimes when the bell or phone woke me up I tried so hard , so hard to sleep again so that i can go back to my dream. But you know , I always fail in doing that.

I love dreams , they're so far from reality ! Its scary but...

Anyways , I'm looking forward to Christmas ! I don't know why I get so excited about it , so unusual? Because I don't look forward in anything for Christmas for the past few years. But also , i hope time runs slower...Christmas , mark the end of 2011.

And you can't guarantee 2012 will be a better year.

If its even worse than 2011 , I can tell you ,

I rather not live.

LOL

Comeback

2011-11-11T00:18:00.000+08:00

Its like a dream .

-The Notebook

I like the picture above. Its nice ! I like searching all the beautiful pictures on web. Its really..inspiring & it puts me in good mood.

Have you ever..have moments that you're in a normal situation but..you just don't know how to react? Any situation..

Like me..I was just talking to a normal friend and.. I don't know. I just don't know what to say at times , I don't know what am I supposed to say.. and I will put effort in covering up my awkward-ness. Its just...weird.

Sometimes , when my friends told me something , I don't know what to react? I wonder what kind of reaction they're expecting from me. What should I say? And most of the times I'll just smile and said nothing..and they'll be waiting there , waiting for my response.

And every time it puts me in awkward situation.

Its just......................

I really don't know what to react?

And I went to school today , after few weeks of not attending school. OK its just one week and it felt like..weeks. I went to school , I didn't really talk to the Form 5s , was a little sad when I thought of them , their last day in school with us , and some of them I might wont meet them anymore in the future. I mean..I wont be hanging out with every of them right?

Time flies , and I actually did had a great time with few of them.

So fast , I just get to know some of them and now they're leaving. Its really sad to know that though. :( :(

I don't have a very very close Form 5 friends..but there is some good friends. :)

I'll miss every of you , really :(

You guys wont read this but yea...best wishes for all in the future..and hope we will meet up someday?:)

Tomorrow's 11.11.11 , I mean..today? Its 1am in the morning now. And to be honest , its just a date for me. Yeap , this will only happen once , or they said thousand years later. But then , I chose not to expect much from this date , I made a simple wish and I hope it'll come true? If it didn't , I'm still okay alright?

I've been thinking , whats my aim for life. I can't think of any. Its very sad when you have no aims , no targets in life. Its like...you're living with no purpose.

I'm like that...I always don't know what can I do next , I don't know what am I gonna do next and I always spend time thinking what should I do now or later. People always know that what are they going to do , but I don't.

If I really have to list down my aims for life, I'd say I wanna be happy?

I wanna do what I wanna do :D

There's a lot of things ! But most of them are ..close to impossible.

I don't know ! I will do what I wanna do !:)

Anyway , I went to SJK(C) Chung Hua's 100th Anniversary & Fundraising Dinner today.

Daddy got us a table so yea. I don't know anyone there since its not my primary school.

But the school's big , very similar to my primary school.

I'm actually quite touched that the adults , the parents & teachers also the local celebrities worked so hard to raise fund to build better Chinese schools for the kids nowadays. & the students from SJKC ChungHua , they helped out by asking for donations & selling drinks throughout the whole night ! They're so polite and cute.

I regretted for not serving my school well , LickHung is a very good school , I had my happy times in there although I got canned almost everyday - yeah , Chinese primary school's life.

If time , allow me to head back the times when I was still in primary , I would serve the school with all my heart , work hard and study hard because you will never know , how sad am I to leave the school and study in my current secondary school. I mean , the teachers , omggggggg . LickHung teachers were so strict , but they're nice , they worked so hard to give us students the best education and i owe them my life. I am serious.

I remember when I was standard 1 , I got canned for 18times , straight , on my palm. Because I didn't complete my homework. I nearly cried , it was so painful and i felt so embarrassed .:(

Standard 2 , I ranked no.29 in class , out of 50 people. My mom was so shocked and angry. She canned me 10times straight , it was very very very painful . I cried hard , begging my mom to stop , I was so sad because I got no idea why,no.29 ?!?!

My mom could not believe it either , so she checked my report card and I was still sobbing standing beside her.. turned out , FUCKING teacher counted WRONG. I have around 7 or 8 subjects and she counted 1 subject less. At that moment I was like KILL ME .

I was so angry.

The next day , I brought my report card and I told my teacher that she counted wrong. I tried hard to hide my palm , hoping that she wont notice the scars . She checked and to my horror, she really did mistakes in counting my marks. T.T

From no.29 , I straight away jumped up to no.10 in the rankings , and I got elected as class monitor.

I was so furious and happy at the same time. Furious because I FUCKING GOT CANNED FOR 10 FREAKING TIMES AND GOD KNOWS HOW PAINFUL IT WAS. AND MOST OF ALL , I GOT CANNED FOR NOTHING ! Happy because I got elected as class monitor?:)

LOL

SJK(C) Schools , are all about canning students.

But without all that , I might become a rascal little thing.

I miss my primary school :(

With my new polka dot dress from Kitschen , not very new , bought it for half year and didn't get to wear. :)
With HouYan from Mustang Crew. Miss Tomato. :(

Pyramid & Greyson Chance tomorrow ! Very sleepy. Goodnights :)

Thebird

2011-11-09T15:36:00.000+08:00

2011's school life came to an end. And its like marking the end of a horrible life I had this year..but next year might be worse , you and I , will never know.

I had , I had some wonderful moments , but to be honest , I can't remember most of it. & I think its just wonderful because its compared to my other times in 2011.

2011 is just plain tough for me , I don't know , i just can't list all of them out here but yea,

unlike the rest of my friends , my path is blurred.

The path that leads to my future is...unpredictable. I don't know what will happen if i continue walking it , its just so different because people like them , they have fixed path and all they had to do is - keep walking.

To be honest , I'm not interested in anticipating my future. I don't know where to go? I don't know what to do?

LOL.

I want to be a bird after my reincarnation. They can fly. :) And most of all , they don't think much.

''If you're a bird , I'm a bird.''

- The Notebook

waterdrops

2011-11-08T21:25:00.000+08:00

The feeling..there..you wanna let go of it , you wish to be with him , but you had to let him go.

Let him go , but wish he'll be back.

Its like.........................

i don't know.

Its just like that.

I feel sad , because there's no turning back.

Withlove

2011-11-08T16:31:00.000+08:00

The water drops are even more beautiful than a precious diamond.

So..yeap , exams officially ended few days ago. And I was quite lazy to blog because i have so many things to blog about !

Its the year end holiday..again.

I'm weird . Sometimes I was so desperate to slow down the time , so I'll have more time to reminisce the past and I'll have more time to complete what I should complete. Sometimes I hope time will move faster , so I'll get out of high school fast , and I'll go study overseas ( if I'm able to :( ) and I'll leave ! And I can start a new life which i want most.

I guess I'm too troublesome and i brought so many problems to so many people.

Why can't I be the one who make things easier for people around me? Its just so frustrating to see people got sad , angry or depressed for what I've done.

Sometimes I thought I'm very rational and I make right decisions , but its not always like that. I always screw things up , and then regret over it for years . Anyway , things will never be the same anymore. Things' just can't stop changing and life's changing everyday and I don't know what to do :(

I wish I could read fiction books under a tree on a very sunny morning with calm winds. & if i'm having a hard time thinking , that must be me , trying to decide whether should I have sandwich with chicken ham or spaghetti for lunch.

But thats life , you'll never get satisfaction in life. NEVER. When you have everything you wanted - money , partner , kids , career , house , cars or whatever , you crave for more - more money , more partner (??) , kids with better grades , career with higher salary , bigger house , better cars ....

Life is all about running in a circle.

and circle sucks.

I was rotting at home and decided to hang out with these 3 monkeys in Taipan. Starbucks was so full of SPM candidates having group study over there ! They were laughing and chit chatting more than discussing work and its something...surprising cos SPM is in 1 week time?? Even a week before PMR i was already half dead and super tired and couldn't even relax ...and so tensed that i woke up crying everyday and...

anyway , maybe they prepared enough?

With Eugenia's iPad.

And 4th of November was Mommy's 48th Birthday ! Well , I'm not trying to flatter her or what but she's too young to be 48 years old isn't it ? HAHA.

Well , I was planning to buy something or do something to surprise her on her birthday because she always told us about how her friend's children surprise them during their birthdays with spensive presents or throwing a surprise birthday party...

Surprise party's a lil bit hard for us because me and my sister both were having exams. And after lots of discussions , we decided to buy iPhone4 since mommy's phone is so old fashioned and sometimes her contacts just disappeared out of sudden and poor her had to key in all her contacts again. So there's this problem ..we left 2 days time to get the phone and its weekdays , dad have to work and we got no cash. Stupid sister was being a total jerk by not giving a damn about it and blame it on exams. I was so panic and finally the day before mom's birthday I asked dad to bring me out the 2nd day's afternoon when mom's not around.

The second day , mommy asked me to follow her out and pick up my brother and she will bring us for lunch. And I rejected I said I'm lazy to change and go out. She got mad at me. Then I waited till around 12.45pm and my dad picked me up from house. It was lunch time and there's traffic jam. We arrived at Subang Parade around 1.30pm.

And Dad decided to have lunch first before we buy the phone, and I was quite panic because I know mom will arrived home before I do and when she realised I'm not home , she will know that I went out with dad?

Daddy took me to Dome to eat , and we ordered a mushroom soup , creamy seafood spaghetti and a pie. This is the first time I'm sharing food with my dad and its abit ..weird. LOL.

Anyway , we had a superb HARD moment trying to finish all these. The portions are so big ! The mushroom soup and spaghetti are seriously...superb creamy.

I was texting with my sister and when I knew they're about to arrive home I sent a text to my mom telling her my friend fetched me out for lunch and I'll not be home till 4. My mom was furious because I sort of sneaked out of the house without telling her and I refused to follow her out to have lunch.

At that moment , I told myself , I'm sucha good daughter :D

Me and daddy went to a lot stores in Parade and there's no stock for iPhone4 ! Omg I was so disappointed when Daddy said we should buy other stuffs for her. So we went Secret Recipe and we bought a cake . On the way to car park , we passed by Celcom and I pulled daddy , saying that maybe Celcom has iPhone4? And surprisingly yes !

And that's how I brought an iPhone4 home :)

I wrapped a shoe box with my leftover wrapping paper and put some stupid stuffs in it like cheap photo frame , my own necklaces and rings , fake roses and i put the iPhone4 beneath it.

Evening , dad got back home and brought us all for dinner at South Sea Restaurant . Their seafood...best in town ! I ate a-lot a-lot and i nearly puked.

Arrived home at 11pm and cake cutting session. Daddy was so impatient that he began to tell my mom the present we got her was so hard to find and we search it for like 4 hours... Me and my sister stopped him and when my mom opened , she took the photo frame and necklace out and mumbled to herself ''So hard to find ahh...'' HAHAHA. Until she were asked to take everything out and she saw the phone and were like :''HAH? Is this iPhone?? WAH seriously ah?''

We told her everything and she was so happy , and realized she got mad at me twice when I was out buying presents. She hugged every of us .

I'm really really glad she's happy .:)

:) Hope you had one unforgettable one although there's no surprise party for you.
I love you mom <3

@ South Sea restaurant.

Kinda...too luxury . :(

School days in Form 4 is coming to an end.

This is my class ,
4 Damai.

I had a great time with them and its so different from my previous class ! I had fun in both classes but this is really different.

I'll miss all of you. Really :)

2 days ago , Penang Leos came down to have a joint project with us @ RACTAR orphanage.

Whitesnake concert , 30th October 2011.

It was nice. :)

I'll blog tomorrow :)

Things will get better !

je t'aime

2011-10-29T19:51:00.001+08:00

Alright , to be frank ..

I will miss the Form 5s after they graduate though.
Few of them left me wonderful memories..

and sweet ones.

I'll miss you.

sajdbjsdbjs

2011-10-29T13:46:00.000+08:00

Have you ever thought of...what if you're given a power , to stop the time...what will you do?

When I was young , I was so excited to bed every night because every night before I sleep , I will imagine lots of stuff , lots of beautiful moment , that will never happen in reality.

I used to imagine that if I'm able to stop the time , I will go stalls by stalls , snatch away all the junk food and bring it home. Now I realized , how stupid , how naive ...how adorable I was during young time.

I used to imagine that I owned 80-storey house. In my imaginations , I invited the cousins , relatives , and friends that I love , to stay with me. Each of them get one storey as room and whatever they like . And I have my own toy room, a big balcony with swing, and a big room with carpets , princessy bed.

I have a long bike , which 5 people can ride it together. I always been imagine me and my 4 other friends ride it together to park or town.

If only I can stop the time .........

I'd do everything I like ! I will travel the whole world and when I'm finally done , I'll unpause the time?:)

Or I never will.

When I was 6 or 7 , or even younger , i have lil toys.

I used to draw my ideal house or city , and i will imagine it as 3D so i can bring my lil toys in to play...

I used to have a whole wardrobe as my barbie's and my powerpuff girls home.

I rather gave them my wardrobe as home instead of putting my clothes inside it.

OMG I CAN'T CONTINUE THIS POST FUCK THE WORLD GIVE ME MY PAST BACK

FUCK MY CURRENT LIFE.

you're my lighthouse

2011-10-24T12:29:00.001+08:00

I was trying to tell myself to get over it , soon people will all leave , depart for their own ways. But then , these Irish boys been there with me for my whole childhood. There's even lil stories of my and my dad & me and my first best friend behind all these songs. They're not just a normal band I listen to when I'm bored. They're Westlife , my childhood crushes.

Frankly , I've never expect myself to meet them because..I didn't expect they'd visit Malaysia after so many years? You got no idea how ecstatic I was , I was jumping around the house and I almost teared. I even teared a lil when I finally got the tix , in my hands. This band , they have my stories in them. & to be frank , no more regrets because I attended their concert , that's one in a lifetime experience and what more could I ask for? Yep that's one devastating news , they're parting. But I'm glad that they all leave , but their music stays.

& their last single , Lighthouse , I love it so much that I listened to it everyday. Now this sounds like a farewell song LOL. Anyway , its really really nice. Teared a little while listening to it.

Again ,

Thank You Westlife for your great music and giving me great childhood memories :)

I love you boys forever :D

This kinda love , is more than a lifeline

For a man who's weak as me, who has no self-belief

This kinda love , is more than amazing

For a man who lost his way, who thought it was too late.
How does the sea , how does the sea

How does the sea get so rough?
I wanna drown, I wanna drown

If you hadn't given me your love
You're the light in the dark , you're the seat in the park

You're the Lighthouse , you're the Lighthouse that I need
You're the key to the door , you're the port in the storm

And I need to find the shore , as I can't swim anymore

You always guide me back to solid ground, you're my lighthouse
This kinda love is more than a feeling

For a man who cried , I get all choked up each time
You said you love me , you could've walked away

Could've get my problems back , could've let you took the chance
How did the waves , how did the waves

How did the waves get so high
I would've died, I would've died

When you loved me just in time
You're light in the dark , you're seat in the park

You're the lighthouse , you're the lighthouse that I need
You're key to the door , you're port in the storm

And I need to find the shore , as I can't swim anymore

You always guide me back to solid ground, you're my lighthouse

I will owe you everything I have right now, I will owe you everything I didn't have you found

Everytime give it back to you..

You're light in the dark , you're seat in the park..

You're my lighthouse , you're my lighthouse that I need...

You're the key to the door , you're the port in the storm

And I need to find the shore , And I can't swim anymore
You always guide me back to solid ground,

You're my , lighthouse.

Lighthouse - Westlife (2011) , last single.

I wanna know
Who ever told you I was letting go
Of the only joy that I have ever known
Girl, they were lying

Just look around
And all of the people that we used to know
Have just given up, they wanna let it go
But we're still trying

So you should know this love we share was never made to die
I'm glad we're on this one way street just you and I
Just you and I
I'm never gonna say goodbye
Cos I never wanna see you cry
I swore to you my love would remain
And I swear it all over again and I
I'm never gonna treat you bad
Cos I never wanna see you sad
I swore to share your joy and your pain
And I swear it all over again
Some people say
That everything has got its place in time
Even the day must give way to the night
But I'm not buying
Cos in your eyes
I see a love that burns eternally
And if you see how beautiful you are to me
You'll know I'm not lying

Sure there'll be times we wanna say goodbye
But even if we try
There are some things in this life won't be denied
Won't be denied
I'm never gonna say goodbye
Cos I never wanna see you cry
I swore to you my love would remain
And I swear it all over again and I
I'm never gonna treat you bad
Cos I never wanna see you sad
I swore to share your joy and your pain
And I swear it all over again
The more I know of you is the more I know

I love you

And the more that I'm sure I want you forever and ever more
And the more that you love me, the more that I know
Oh that I'm never gonna let you go
Gotta let you know that I

I'm not gonna say goodbye, Cos I never wanna see you cry

I swore to you my love would remain,

And I swear it over again and I

I'm never gonna treat you bad ,

Cos I never wanna see you sad
I swore to share your joy and pain,

And I swear it over again
All over again

All over again

And I swear it all over again......................

Swear It Again - Westlife (1998) their first single.

This is not the end , I'm not gonna say goodbye.

You may walk away and leave , but i believe you will all be back.

So... I'll see you soon?

See you soon then. - Dear John

zzz

2011-10-23T00:38:00.000+08:00

I'm a Rose....a wilting rose.....

RANT

- I don't like the way people ordering me to do stuffs :( I don't like it when i failed in doing something...I don't like it. I don't like it when people's losing their hope , or trust on me. :(

- I wish I could place some burdens on them , so my burdens would be lesser. But why can't any of you just help?:(

- I think I'm losing everyone. And I'm beginning to hate all of you. Really.

OK so I sounded like one lil kid ranting .

I just don't like it.

_l_

everything's my fault !

team jumba!

2011-10-21T17:12:00.001+08:00

I can definitely list this week down as one of the toughest week of my life. Yeah , its just exams. NO , its not just a normal exam. But yeah finals . 5 days straight , without any breaks in between , History on Monday , Moral on Tues & ADDMATHS on Wed , Physics on Thurs & Bio today. HardCORE.

How can you put 5 extreme subjects all in one week?! At least English or Maths in between?

I'm not saying that English & Maths is easy.. but then you gotta admit this , its way easier than any of the subjects I mentioned.

Though I screwed all up , like..very very very screwed up that kind.. But here's a short holiday! You got no idea how happy I am , to have a break . I've been real real real tired this week. I was having fatal period & I'm completely drained. I was so tired that I had to take naps everyday and sleep on time at night. Still felt bloody tired the next morning zzzzz.

Not forgetting the pain during exams. It nearly...killed me. Really.

Hard times are over now. Not exactly over but , a lil more to go right? 9 more papers to go. I'm gonna get enough rest this time :)

Brotha came back from school and brought back packets of junk food. Its their Children's Day today! Omg I haven't been celebrating this since..2007. Damn , those were the good times & days you don't have to worry bout anything. I remember in Kindergarten , we can dress ourselves for Children's Day. We don't have to wear our uniforms , I always wore a dress , abit over-dressed but I'm still a kid , in fact I'm teacher's pet , of course i have to be a little prettier than others on that day :D I remember every kids sat on their own seats , but me , the special one sat on teacher's lap. ??? I got no idea why . LOL I remember there's one year i dressed in my sister's turquoise colour fairy dress :)

I don't quite remember the first few years' Children's Day I had in primary school. But i remember i always brought like..soooooooooooooooo many junk food back home. I ate it all in a day and sore throat the next day morning. Those were the good times :'(

Children's Day..It seemed so far far away from me now. Can I not grow up?

Eventually , everyone will leave.

These Irish Boys are splitting up!

*jawdropped

Exactly 2 weeks ago , I was in their concert.

When I was young , around 3 to 4 years old , my dad used to listen to a lot of Westlife's songs ..Backstreet Boys..Kenny G.. Celine Dion..their songs are with me till now , I'm 16 ! They're definitely there with me from when I was still a child till now , an adolescent.

I was so glad , so excited and most of all..I was so happy i get to go to their concert , to search for the misty memories of mine.

Like I said , people will all leave. Its just the matter of time. So..bye Westlife. :) I'll never forget this , the memories 5 of you left me. I'll never forget Nicky , my favorite of all , Shane , the loveliest father ever , Kian , the cutest boy , Mark , the most good looking one with that pair of dreamy eyes @.@ and and and Brian ! Flying Without Wing's nothing without you :)

I know I might sound abit of exaggerating if I tell you I love all of their songs. All..But that's true. Really !

Flying Without Wings , Classic song of theirs. Very very very nice indeed .

Uptown Girl ! Though this song is original sung by Billy Joel. Anyway it reminded me of a movie I watched when I was young.

Its a movie called 'Uptown Girl' , played by the late Brittany Murphy. She's such a sweetie and bloody beautiful ! I love her. But she passed away 2 years ago.

Why must people leave so early? :(

Its a nice movie. It is. :(

Guess this is the end :( Bye westlife. Thanks for the wonderful music . I'll never forget this :)

After lunch , first thing first to release stress....

KEVJUMBAAAAAAA ! ''I LIKE IT''*Papajumba's accent

I started watching his vids since..the

beginning of this year

. My sister asked me to watch his videos & i refused because..he don't look cool..and funny. HAHAA. I don't have much patience , i don't like watching videos that are NOT COOL , people non-stop talking or what. Same goes to movies , I just can't help not fast forward-ing them.

So one day I was really bored & I decided to check this guy out.

First impression , OMG HE'S BLOODY ADORABLE !

He is funny.

I watched ALL of his videos already ! And repeated watching it for quite a lot of times. He has a very cool dad who don't mind making fool out of himself. Seriously , you will love his dad. Watch how funny his dad is !

Damn his dad is cool.

Both of them participated in 17th season of Amazing Race . Go watch their Amazing Race videos. Super touching ! #teamjumbaforever . The picture below is Papajumba :)

I secretly think that Kevin looked attractive in imitating Korean pop star :D

You'll love Kevin , go watch his vids now and subscribe !:)

Okay lastly....ELTON JOHN IS COMING TO MALAYSIAAAA !

Elton John...the Lion King dude? Omg i love his songs... :(

-Can You Feel The Love Tonight

-The Circle of Life

My favorite of his. I miss the old Disney shows & movies .:(

Anyway , Elton John's so old now !
He used to look like that...the one on the left.

Anyway , its impossible for me to attend his concert because the cheapest ticket...

RM380.

Trust me , you don't wanna know the price of the VVIP Arena.

Sigh , dont worry , i won't ask for more. Since i went Westlife's.

Sigh. Shall go back to Kevjumba's vids.

Toodles.

You give yourself away

2011-10-18T22:00:00.000+08:00

Some times we just have to let go something's not ours.

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you - With or Without You ( U2, 1987)

I remember when I was form one , and i attended Christian Fellowship general meetings quite often. I'm not a Christian , but..i heard it was fun so me & my friends joined. It was quite fun playing games & all. Me and my friends were a lil left out when it comes to singing & praying. We will either whispering through out the whole session or sneak out halfway.

So there's one GM that they invited some one to give us a talk.

The person was quite ..not bad looking , one energetic young man. But he's very talkative though. He talked about choices in life.

I clearly remembered , OK not quite clear but yeah i do remember, he wants us to turn to our friend and tell them , we always have a choice.

It kinda confused me because..always have a choice? Then why'd people suicide , or do something..like giving up and so on? I spent my days thinking about that topic..

still haven't figure out what whats the meaning of it..

and do we always have choices in life , no matter how hard the situation is?

Guess I'll find out someday.

Forbearance

2011-10-16T17:47:00.000+08:00

What can I do besides forbearing?

There's nothing I can do.

I hope , really really hope hard times will be over soon. :(

Its enough.

Goodtimeswereover

2011-10-15T22:04:00.000+08:00

Such a beautiful picture of Lomo :)

''seriously I like ur eyes :) no sarcasm , trust me :))''

''I find that someone who smile and their eyes is like closed very cute eh :)))''

Sarcastic or what , or its just some flirtings. Well this made my day. Thank you :)

Anyway , as I said , Life should be so much easier than addmaths , but why's not? Life can be easy if you're not rich. Life can be easy without a satisfying job. Life even can be easy without a partner.

Life CAN be easy. I gotta find ways to figure this whole thing out , someday , someday , maybe after my exams.

Yeah yeah , so nice if we can decide..

thecircle

2011-10-11T15:18:00.000+08:00

My finals' starting tomorrow. I took all the books out , i did everything to make myself study. But i can't. I got no idea why , i can't seem to understand / remember everything i read.

This is real frustrating.

I can't..its like..my brain is all occupied & no more space to fit in.

I tried. :(

I really tried.

''"I am depressed ... without phone ... money for rent ... money for child support ... money for debts ... money!!! ... I am haunted by the vivid memories of killings and corpses and anger and pain ... of starving or wounded children, of trigger-happy madmen, often police, of killer executioners ... I have gone to join Ken if I am that lucky." -Kevin Carter

Kevin Carter , the person who changed my whole perspective of life.

Things i wish to do

2011-10-10T22:24:00.000+08:00

1. Meet new people

2. Take a lot a lot of sunset pictures by the beach

3. Movie marathon , just to 'catch up' with my Orlando Bloom or Leonardo.

3.Scuba Diving !

4.Picnic at a park

4.Read under a tree

Thats what i wanna do ! Fulfil me and i'll be happy !

dwz

2011-10-10T18:29:00.000+08:00

How hurtful the words are. How hurtful ..

Yeah wounds can be treated , but they left scars there ..forever.

Yeah its healed , after a pretty long time.

But why is it still hurt when i touch it?

I hate it when i tried super hard to recall the past...

Its okay , memories will fade , i understand.

But why can't the bad memories fade too?!

Its still staying there ..this clear.

I wish to escape.

2011-10-10T03:07:00.000+08:00

swearitagain

2011-10-06T23:53:00.000+08:00

Meeting these Irish boys tomorrow :)

But what's Flying Without Wings without Brian?

midnight

2011-10-06T00:38:00.001+08:00

Omg isn't it beautiful ! So beautiful ! So....ravishing. I don't know how can I describe this..the word 'beautiful' is too commonly used so..I don't know , i just love this picture a lot.

But its too pretty to be true , can you actually find a place similar like this in this earth? I afraid no , if yes , I'd be real happy :)

& I've been blogging almost everyday ! I'm back ! I'm back to the old young me who used to blog everyday. The difference is , I used to have quite amount of readers , well its just my friends. The old days Facebook aren't that ...crazy yet but obviously Friendster is getting boring so blog is the only thing we talked about all day in class. We used to talked about people's blog..their pictures in their blog ( how slutty , how ugly , how hot , how noob they looked...) and i remember blogging is hitting on mainstream in school at that time. It caused quite a lot controversy though if you posted something....'interesting' ...like..starting a fight. Or what ever LOL

I used to write a-lot. My a-lot as in...the whole blog is flooded with my pictures - even candid pictures , pictures of i dontknowwhatbutijustpostit, pictures of friends..pictures of ialsodontknowwhyipost..anything. Random. And of course , long long paragraphs of words..stupid words like what I'm typing now..

OK basically i just write what comes up in my mind..But not now , i don't know why , every time i finished a long post complaining life , my sad stories ..my happy life..just seconds before i click the button 'PUBLISH POST' , i highlight everything and ends with pressing Backspace.

So nice destroying what I've been doing all afternoon / night.

I remember there's once i blogged something long about how depressed am I , how life treated me for the days..and my friends just came up to me and asked about it. It was awkward , I don't like it how people asked me directly about what i just blogged , especially its not about usual things like what i did and my daily activities all.

Its been a long time since i last posted something long in words. :)

Can't believe I'm saying this but.. I kinda miss my eldest sister.

My sibs & I are quite intimate since young. Especially me & my 2nd sister. Not my eldest , because she's always the independent & tough one. I hope she doesn't read my blog ...cos..i wanna tell you a secret ,

she's my role model.

LOL !

If she reads this...OKAYYYY *awkward moment*

I remember when I was really young , I was so afraid of dark . I don't even dare to go to loo when its just 6 steps away from my bed. I had to wake my 2nd sister up to accompany me there to ..PEE. But this eldest sister of mine , she don't need our company to go to the loos , or even kitchen at night. I was so envied because..i wished to be like her so i will have no troubles and fear. So i asked her :''Cheng , aren't you afraid of dark?'' She replied , ''No.''

''Why? I thought , everyone's afraid of dark.''

''OK I'm afraid of dark. But just don't think about it then you won't be scared anymore.''

''But i can't help not to think about it.''

''Tell yourself not to la.''

I tried...but still failed. Years after , i finally knew , its all about whether are you determined or not . Not just about this ,its about..everything?

OMG i just failed..again. I was so hungry & finally , i have guts to make myself walk out of my room & cook instant noodles in the kitchen. I don't usually do this because ..I was too afraid of the dark. Sigh.

& when I'm trying to take out the pot & bowls all , i accidentally hit the window & the alarm rang. It was so loud , so loud and so scary. I was so scared to run to the living room & turn it off. I was so scared to move . I stood there , and covered my ears with hands. LOL noob eh?

My parents woke up , they thought there's burglars because my house alarms don't ring often HAHA. They freaked out and were furious after they found out it was me -.-

I don't like the sound of the alarm. Its freaking me out.

Completely lost my appetite =.=

I needa conquer this soon. Seriously :/

Sigh.

Miss my eldest sister.

Rolling In The Deep

2011-10-04T18:07:00.000+08:00

Addicted to Bon Jovi & Linkin Park.

In my opinion , I'd prefer Linkin Park's version's Rolling In The Deep than Adele's :)

Don't blame me , I adore male singers more. :)

Female singers bore me , except for..Celine Dion and Lady Antebellum? :)

Here's something for you ,

Its really nice.

I'm trapped.

I'm not the nice little girl who're okay with you questioning me and take it as you cared bout me. I don't like people questioning where did I go..what did I do..who am I with..

I'm not wild to be that little girl in your heart. I don't like to stay home , i don't like to sit still , and my dream is to be a backpacker.

You made me feel so tense every day.

I'm sorry ,

other girls might think you're caring , but not me.

lifegoeson

2011-10-03T15:58:00.000+08:00

Its PMR again. One year already passed..Recalling what was I doing last year at this time...

I was very very tensed.

Same thing going on now , I'm having my finals in 1 week time yet I'm still so unprepared.

I'll tell the upcoming form 4s , study , before its too late :'(

Something lucky is i still have one more year to wake up and make changes before my SPM .

''Nobody dies virgin , because at last, life fucked us all''

I like this quote.

Falling slowly

2011-10-02T23:00:00.000+08:00

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You'll make it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice

You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing it loud

Not quite

2011-09-29T21:23:00.000+08:00

Omg how beautiful ! And i actually know how to fold paper boats like these. :D I've been folding that for more than ten years , experienced paper boats fold-er. :)

I love these photography pictures ! Its so beautiful. Infact , i kinda envy those people who can take nice pictures without overpriced cameras.

I'd love to take up photography as hobby , but i can't even cope my studies & all . Infact , who's gonna teach me?:(

Nevermind , I'll have plenty of time to do what i want to do after my SPM. :)

I was so tired today. So tired. Hong Li was explaining Physics Chapter 3 to me in class , and i was half awake . Almost fell asleep. & HongLi kept scolding me by shouting :''Sit straight !'' , ''Stop playing with your hair!'', ''Stop touching your bottle.''

This guy friend of mine is darn serious & responsible in doing stuffs , I was the one who asked him to be my tutor , and ended up he's the one always remind me to study & came up to me everytime there's free period. Kinda guilty though seeing him putting effort in teaching me but i replied him with my sleepy looks.

So , I was half dead when the school bell rang.

Slept from 2pm to 7pm. Omg hardcore , i remember i slept quite early last night. Shit , i think there's something wrong with me. Why am i so tired.............................

Its okay , no school tomorrow ! Finally , i can go back to my usual weekend routine - waking up at 12pm.

Exams in 1 week time. :'(

..

2011-09-27T18:34:00.000+08:00

''I think its your fault..''

''My fault?!''

''You're the reason why he's unhappy, go apologise lahh.''

yeah yeah everything's my fault.

I'm always , always the trouble maker.

I'm sorry then.

Argh , I was saying , ''I can't go on anymore..''

& I heard myself replying in heart .''Darling , stay strong , things will get better.''

I tried to smile .

Had nightmares for the past few days. It haunted me for quite sometime..I don't like it. I don't like it when i woke up crying. I don't like it when i thought of that dream.

I'm afraid to go to bed everynight.

I'm afraid to dream.

Why is this happening? Dreams are always the best refuge for me. Always.

_l_

2011-09-26T21:04:00.000+08:00

I don't usually say this .

Even if i did , i don't mean it.

But i mean it this time.

FUCK MY LIFE.

You've got no idea what i'm going through.

FUCK OFF.

If there's a way , i'll leave and i will never be back. NEVER.

trance

2011-09-22T17:49:00.000+08:00

Blue is so beautiful :)

Time is moving real fast..today is the bloody 22nd day of September , 2011.

End of September?! Omg , I'm still staying around the beginning of 2011.

''I just started my Form 4.'' still stuck in my mind.

Why so fast? I can't really follow the speed of the time , i felt like...everything's changing tremendously..I can't even catch up..like ..all these don't belong to me.

My life WAS simple & nice , I'm not really happy with the current lifestyle. :/

''Change it , or live it.''

But , how am i supposed to change?

To be honest ..i don't have the strength to do so. I'm struggling everyday , every night to get used to the days i don't like at all.

I really have to , get up from trance. No point wasting time there........but i can't wake up. I can't. :'(

If only the time'd stop now , right now , this minute..and let me live in my own dreams for a few days. If only.

Well , fine. I'm bloody 16 years old. Needa stop being this childish. LOL

Ironic.=.=

Things will get better ! Just be positive.

I hope.

Falling slowly

2011-09-21T17:02:00.000+08:00

Brother had to go to school :(

Cheng finally left today. My siblings are all very intact with each other since young..well we had arguments of course. Especially me & the 2 sisters , we often fight because of clothes HAHA.

Still , i love them.

Well , i wanted to blog something long. But ..I'm lazy. HAHA.

Braces leaving me too , this friday.

Have to face 2 heartbreaking things in 3 days. How awesome.

Goodbye.

:'(

2011-09-20T17:54:00.000+08:00

So many things happened in a few days..

Goods & bads..and all tiring.

What a tiring year, exams coming in 3 weeks time , then PMR & Deepavali holidays..then..year end hols..& form 5.

LOL brotha , chill , slow down.

Cheng's leaving for London tomorrow !

I have a lot stuffs to say..but i don't know where to start.

I'm so tired & sleepy now hah.

I just hope she'll be fine in London. :)

I'll miss you , sista.

I'm tired .

I hate you , whoever planned all these.

一枝独秀

2011-09-09T20:15:00.000+08:00

Be like that - If only i can..

Gerry , please give me a list too . So that i can follow :(

1. Fix my studies.

2. Give up. (!!!)

zzz

2011-09-08T19:10:00.000+08:00

Don't like what I'm doing now.

I thought..September would be a better month , and i wanna sleep ! Although..I've rest for the past holidays.

No i didn't had enough sleep . I still feel real tired. Especially in early morning & late night.

September ! What a month.

Exactly one more month to the last exam of the year , i studied nothing ! No-thing. :(

How i wish i can spend the rest of the days in my life in some infamous beach , listen to Bryan Adams. Hah , in my dreams.

So many things not done yet..and i have such lil time to complete all !:( how? why?

I fell sick 2 days ago and i skipped school (again) , this time with a good reason okay? I was having slight fever & sore throat & coughing non stop. :( It was so suffering , i was lying on bed all day. And got myself up to tuition , in class , teacher asked me a question , and i answered , but my voice was too soft. :(

Its been a long time.

Nope nope , i remember there's one time i fell sick too. And i was in school , teacher weren't in class and the class was super noisy. & i felt so so so helpless because i was unconscious..i guess. :D haha. and i escaped from the class , and sat on the staircase beside my class. And i was crying , and I'm like a kid praying god that he wont let me fall sick like this again.

It all looked so emo. But then..

I'd love to fall sick again.

Mommy's placed her hand on my forehead , & i told myself , its all worth it :D

2 years ago , i was having high fever. In class , bestfriends / friends and even teachers gave me attentions by asking me am i okay , get masks for me , offer me companions & all. I felt so loved :) HAHA. i was smiling for the whole day eventhough i was sick :)

Last year , weeks before PMR. Fever in school. OK that's the time i nearly fainted. I couldn't even walk straight . I remember i was so so so cold , until my friends borrowed a jacket from my classmate. Its so warm. I'll never forget , i slept in class for the whole day , because i felt super superb tired. And after i went home , i slept for another 8 hours. Now that's what you call syok. :D

Falling sick isn't a bad thing actually , it gives you a break.

Anyway , like he gives a damn about me.

2011-09-03T22:19:00.001+08:00

...xingbuliaoqing..

This song always played at the right time.

曾经何时，这首歌，已成为我不可失去的朋友。

:'(

2011-09-03T22:06:00.000+08:00

hgd,kwvmdsmmstksnlf.knw.

pls.

dntdthttm.

pls.

bgy.

lldnythng.nythng.

pls.

浮生

2011-09-03T16:52:00.000+08:00

一直以来，都是我在一厢情愿。

是时候醒了。

‘’明知无望的感情，怎能任由自己陷入。‘’

bruce

2011-08-29T18:45:00.000+08:00

Beautiful :)

I'm so bored. I don't know what to do at home..well i know what should i do..but i just don't feel like doing it.

I wanna blog about the past few days..the past few weeks..but ..I'm really lazy. :)

Was listening to Kenny G for the whole day. Blur me who just missed his concert live in KL in May this year..after a few months i STILL feel like slapping myself real hard.

Imagine on the concert day itself , i was still telling my friends i want him to be here in Malaysia.

Argh. Hate myself.

If i had to choose between Kenny G's concert or Westlife's..LOL tough decision.

Kenny G perhaps?

Maybe its because i have strong feelings for him & his songs .

Oh well...truth is i missed his concert & I'll not be able to attend his concert in a while.

& only god knows whether will i meet him in this life of mine.

dai wo zou

2011-08-26T23:46:00.000+08:00

I really really hope that i can escape..

or , when i wake up the next day morning , I'm already aged 80 years old. I can just die anytime.

Or....wake up and I'm still a 7 year old kid.

I'm tired.

Very tired.

There's a reason why I'm sleeping for 11 hours a day. Feeling spiritless. I just want to sleep all day , sleep all night. I don't wanna wake up and forced to face the problems. I don't want.

I'm tired.

Really.

Let me go. :(

I don't like it. But there's no more way for me to go back. What should i do.

Take me away.

west

2011-08-25T18:23:00.000+08:00

Their songs can make me smile when I'm down ,

Or make me down when I'm happy.

2 words - Simply amazing.

Challenges. They gave me 2 choices.

1. Challenge it. -Then i must be tough

2. Give up. -Disappear , or stop everything.

3. Avoid. - Back to the old me. Which is..close to impossible.

I thought..I thought it was all over. I'm so happy that i get to start a whole new world again..LOL guessed I was just naive ............ Things got worse. Felt like escaping.

But we all know i can't.

When you're having a miserable life , you'll miss the past more than usual.

I'm tired.

I can't step into the past , but at least , let me sleep for whole 3 days?

I don't think I'm demanding though.

到底

2011-08-22T14:04:00.000+08:00

我不想，我根本就不想的。

对不起。。

clouds

2011-08-21T20:37:00.000+08:00

从前的从前，经常在书中读到，当一个人伤心时，不论吃什么都无味。

我心里想，哪有这事儿啊，无论我多么伤心，我吃东西时还是很快乐。

今天，我终于尝到了。吃着我最爱的巧克力，尽然是苦的。

平时吃时，甜都会甜到我的心里去。今天。。。

今天，很生气自己。生气自己埋怨多多，小小事情就哭，小小事情就变得颓废。终于，最担心的事发生了。

我根本不想去想，不想去面对。

多么希望根本没有发生过呀。。

可是。。

从小到大，还未这么伤心过。心整个要裂出来了。让我被朋友骂，被朋友讨厌一百次都不要紧。被人抛弃，丢下一百次都不要紧。被父母打，被骂我都不要紧。不要紧。

真的。

就算你拿走我任何一样东西，电话，电脑，相机，美丽的衣服，心爱的抱枕都不要紧。

真的。

我已经无力再挣扎了。无力再继续绞缠下去了。完完全全无力了。。。。。

我很累。

累得我站不住了。。

我真的好累。

好累

..

2011-08-15T02:10:00.000+08:00

I need.

:D

2011-08-14T20:00:00.001+08:00

I've been doing so so so many mistakes in this 15 years , in life.

Mistakes that..will haunt me forever.

Its like...stains on the clothes. I can't wash it off , I've tried. I've tried so hard.

15 years , to be honest , i don't know what am i doing for all these years.

I've wasted a lot time missing the past , trying to figure out how can i go back , trying to find the old feelings back, trying to grab the past back , to me .

Its been a real hard time for me to believe the fact that we CAN NEVER step into the past .

I screwed up , i screwed up my life because i can't find a reason why can't i do that.

Oh my god , i have to wake up. I have to face the fact like a matured adult. I have to stop avoiding things. I have to behave like one matured lady - solve.

Its my last day being a 15 year-old girl. In a few more hours , I'll be 16.

16 years old , i can't behave like how i did for the past few years. I can't go on my life this way.

Yes , i messed up things , i avoid solving it.

I HAVE TO CHANGE NOW!

I don't know where to start. Lets make a list.

1. Study hard & get better results . (10 times better than my previous exams)

- I'll try my best to force myself to study ! You know I'm more lazy than anyone in your friend list.

2. Get over that dude. ( Not very difficult i guess...)

- Lucky fella who affect my mood and performance. No way. LOL I'm gonna control my own feelings , mood & performance.

3. Cut down the time of me using laptop !

- Zzzzz don't put too much hope.

4. No more posting emo stuffs on facebook & twitter.

- We all know that's super annoying =.=

Please do it KIEWYEEPEI ! You can . Really.

sigh

2011-08-10T20:33:00.000+08:00

All the while I feel like I'm standing in the middle of a crowded room, screaming at the top of my lungs, and no one even looks up
- Rose De Witt Bukater

I don't like it ! :(

Have you ever ..tired of your lifestyle and people/things around you?

I got annoyed by people posting stuffs like :'' I hate my life.'' or ''I need a new life.'' or ''FML'' those kinds of things in Facebook , Twitter or Blogs.

I just don't like it because i think its like ways to drag attentions.

So i realised , in 2011 , I've been doing that a-lot.

If my intentions were to drag attentions in the first place , guessed i succeeded?

Friends were asking me :''Are u okay? Whats wrong?'' , ''You alright? Need someone to talk to?''

Yes . Still , have to admit I'm posting those are for attentions. And very touched at least people will be there for me. Or even they just said that just tryna make me feel better. I don't mind , at least people actually responded.

And really , even myself is curious about it too - WHATS WRONG WITH YOU?

No no I'm serious this time ,

'' Kiew Yee Pei , whats wrong with you??'' *glares

I know how my followers on Twitter & friends on Facebook feels...i know. I'm actually spamming their wall and homepage or timeline about how sad i am , how lifeless i am , how helpless i am ...

If i were one of them , I'll probably reply with :''SHUT UP BITCH.''

Seriously. I needa shut up LOL

Well blogger , you know i wanna tell you so , so , so many things. Everytime i visited here , and typed such a long passage , at last , i decided not to post also. Don't know why. Just...i don't know what to say.

2011's been a real tough year for me. I've never felt this......bad before. Seriously , skipping school once a week?? I don't know , but for me its really over for a student.

I've been lying to mom :''Teacher don't attend classes.'' ''Teacher don't teach in class.''

That's not true isn't it? Teachers do teach , its just that im not listening.

School is real dull & tedious for me. And i have to admit , i exaggerated last time. I used to complain about how tedious school life is. But that's not true.

Yes school is interesting , at times. But not this year's. I mean...not that 2011's school life is boring...just that..

I don't like it.

2011 , lots of beloved Form 5 /2010 seniors graduated , all left , to their new life - college.

I miss seeing them in school , they always ejek me , ask me to study...

I played truant just to go to their classes and talk..

I miss them.

2011 , Form 4. Form 4 ain't easy. Infact , its super tough for me.

I don't like it. I hate that feeling - I'm exhausted but still got tuitions to attend.

Its like...never ending tuitions. I don't like it.

2011 school , where you have to face the people you don't like everyday. Where you have to face the person you like everyday , so close yet so far - he fell for the other girl. Sometimes when you're like me you just can't resist skipping school , at least you don't have to face these people. Isn't it?

Staying home its like days in heaven , i don't know much things aboout heaven , I've never been there before. But to me , heaven is where you don't feel pain , at least.

How i wish , i can escape !

I really really hope i can escape to somewhere faraway. Well , who doesn't .

Everyone's wanna escape when they're facing those obstacles.

I don't know how long more can i take this. I need to leave , i need to change . How long more do i have to suffer? Yes I'm fortunate to have family , friends around me , i don't have to worry about my meals everyday. But...why am i not happy?

Did i just crave too much?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Most of all , i hate myself.

I shouldn't complain .

I suck.

I'm terrible.

zzz

2011-08-05T17:09:00.000+08:00

Was having monthly test these few days..

But I'm sick ! Skipped school yesterday. Yeap skipped Bio & Moral test. Glad i did , because i heard that those 2 papers are hard.....extra hard when i didn't even finish studying .

Since i skipped school yesterday , mommy wasn't happy bout it because she said i shouldn't skip exams unless i really have to.

So i went to school today. OK i went back home before Physics exams. Because..I'm not feeling well? OK sounds pampered. But its one suffering morning .

Back home , went straight to bed till 3. Mommy put her hands on my forehead while I'm sleeping. Awww its been a long time.

I like it when people place their hand on my head , or on my forehead when I'm sick. Hehe.

Its August 5th ! I felt like I've wasted 5 days in August.

Last year's August was a very busy month with lots of lots of events.

Scouts Farewell Party 2010
Scouts Photoshooting Day 2010
Amanda's 15th Birthday :)
Leo Installation 2010.

To be frank , i just wasted a whole 8 months in 2011.

I've set so many goals for myself to achieve since..the beginning of the year. Like..

1.Not to fail any subjects

2.Lose some weight

3.Healthy lifestyle

4.Balanced diet

OK just part of the list. Haven't fulfill any of them though. Sad.

Currently STILL a very fail person.

..

2011-08-04T22:34:00.000+08:00

My heart dropped..

when i read those lines..

Really?

Thats it?

Its okay.

Remember me.

Ken

2011-08-03T19:08:00.001+08:00

august

2011-07-31T16:06:00.000+08:00

July 2011 , ending in few hours time.

August 2011 , coming in few hours time.

You might not feel depressed , because you're used to the speed of time.

I'm not.

I will not like August. I'll not.

I don't like July too.

No , i love , but not the ones in 2011.

I have so many things to say before July 2011 ends...but . Its okay.

Recently.

2011-07-28T18:52:00.000+08:00

I think my hair is prettier than my face. Ok or , my face is uglier than my hair.

Exams in 4 days time. I studied nothing. If its wasn't for Facebook , Twitter or even Blogger , i seriously think I'd at least finish studying history by today.

Facebook changed me , and i believe every one's lives. This social network , simply addictive. I just can't resist checking at least once each day. Its like..if i don't , I'll not be comfortable and can't really concentrate what I'm doing all day.

That's just simply pathetic because some social network controlled my life?!

In 21st century , there's nothing we can do to stop this from happening.

Exams. Form 4 is even harder than what i thought last year. I thought , i thought I'd change ! My performance this year is really disappointing though. Hate myself when i recalled days before i entered Form 4 ..

I should've work harder .

But its too late now.

16 years old , as a daughter , as a student , all i need to do is just study hard? I don't have to work to raise myself , nor taking care of my children , nor get troubled by problems like marriage , kids , work or financials . My god , can't believe that I'm saying this . But but but why can't i do it :(

Hmm. That's depressing.

January 2011 , Interact Club & Leo Club of SMK Seafield had a fight on Facebook. Facebook's fault again....

As a Leo myself , i don't like how people looked at us as a Chinese speaking club too!

Change , is all we need :D

After 7 months , finally , our last general meeting joined with Interact Club !

Had one of my best general meeting in 2011.

Frankly , Interactors are nice.

Water games ! This is the 3rd time we played water during GMs. And my first time playing in gm ! Because..i hate getting wet in school. Dirty and..lazy to change. But mad people there just splashed me without giving me warnings !

Since I'm all wet already. :S

With Form 4s Interactors !
Beloved Public Relations Director and his asst :D
Leoteract , or Interleo ! I'm okay with both. LOL

And congratulations to Form 4 scouts !

Passed :D
<3

My favourite day of all - Wednesday ! Normally we're having our PJ at 3rd or 4th period . But we always start to play basketball at 2nd period till recess . Hardcore. :)

Hate wearing scouts uniform and play basketball. But what to do , i can't resist not playing :(
The sampats.
Fat people sitting on my thigh.

3 more days , here comes August.

The month i have to face everything......

no.......dont. :(

somebody

2011-07-25T18:50:00.000+08:00

Friendship , tell me about it. :)

Friends are your family when your family are not there for you. - quoted by i forgot who.

These friends .

Just wanna tell all of you , i love you all. Though i know you guys will never read this :)

Yeah.. its quite random .

Went through ups and downs with a few of them , had minor conflicts..some were quite unreliable..but still....

Appreciate everyone of them.

Just to express my feelings towards them before something happen. Nah nothing's gonna happen. Just in case :)

Because..things are different now.

They're no longer mine.

104

2011-07-24T15:01:00.000+08:00

I always have urges to blog, but i dont know what to blog about.

Scouts had their enrollment day yesterday. Its always the most heart wrenching moment in the whole year.

Its my year's turn to take over the troop now !

Best friend Carney and Shing Kern got Welfare and ATL ! Omg super proud of them.

Recalling back few years ago we were still naive little scouts fooling around , here they are , leading the troop already.

Farewell party , unexpectedly lots of seniors came back. They came back every year, but still , this time the feelings weren't the same.

Ahh.

Memories.

There's no goodbye in 104.

2012

2011-07-22T18:16:00.000+08:00

Its just July ! Why am I having the feeling that its end of the year already?

I don't like 2011 ! I want 2012 to be here now.

Chelsea

2011-07-22T17:28:00.000+08:00

You see blue and yellow jerseys??!

And yes , its Chelsea vs Malaysia's match in Bukit Jalil Stadium !

There was this Tuesday , out of sudden Chan Jie asked us whether are we interested in going Chelsea vs Malaysia's football match.

For freeeee? Didn't believe it at first. But after watching guys in my class jumping around in joy..

Well free tickets to watch Chelsea play?! Free?!

Why not??

Oh my I'm behaving like one typical cinapek now...LOL

Anyway .. me , Tze Jing , Tsui San and Eugenia were super hyper about it. Well its not everyday you get free tickets to see Chelsea play ! I mean , its not everyday you get free tickets to see Torres play!

Fun moments , we were busy planning everything - what to wear , what to bring , what to do , how to go ...

We even planned to wear similar jerseys and paste TORRES on our jerseys. And and we planned to do banners writing words like this :'' Torres you're number 9 in the field , but number 1 in my heart.'' omg super cheesy right?? I like it !

But I ended up spending the night with my family there..since the most hyper girl in class , Eugenia couldn't make it. And since some one's going on a date *cough tzejing cough*

Its okay , family bonding session. LOL it didn't went that well though , sisters , mom and even brother were complaining the match was boring.

Sorry MU. Sorry Nani. Don't get deceived by the pictures , it was just a temporary betrayal. :D

Daring guy.

Never seen this huge crowd before ! Eh i did , Rain's concert 2007.

People passing the super huge flag around.

Black & yellow jersey + Chelsea banners?

Thats my real hair.

Mommy and Daddy <3

Sister.

Brotha.

Sister.

Chelsea players warming up.

Malaysiaaaaaaa.

I went there as a Chelsea fan. But ended up like the others - shouting for Malaysia too. You can see 70% of the crowd there were wearing Blue jerseys. But when Chelsea scored , everyone Boo-ed.

Eh , we still love M'sia :D

Man U come please? please? please? :)

Thank you Seafield and Astro for making this happen. LOL my first time watching a live football match :)

:((

2011-07-14T20:43:00.000+08:00

Be happy.

god knows

2011-07-12T21:47:00.001+08:00

I still feel like blogging even though i don't know what to blog about.

OK i will crap something here , or else , i will still have a feeling that something not done yet. LOL

July , a very frustrating and busy month. I felt like I'm back to April 2011 , just a little more pressured and frustrating. This month , full of events..and the coming up monthly test.

Monthly test.

Since standard 2 , I've been telling mom :'' Mommy , i promise i will work hard in my next exam. Really.''

Empty promises , after so many years , my mom lost hope. Yes and i admit , I'm a very stubborn and lazy girl. Probably the laziest girl I've ever met , and that's not cool at all. Being the laziest student in my class , seeing the smarty people in class always doing / studying non-stop , I felt so guilty and embarrassed.

Once i told my best friend :'' I'm so worried about my SPM , with this nasty lazy attitude of mine , how can i score good grades in that?''

She replied without looking at me :''Well , you're that kind of girl who always finish things last minute. You will still get something good. But, SPM ain't easy.''

SPM , you might think there's still a long way for me to go. And i just realised , its the 7th month of the year. In few months , the year end hols gonna be here. And few months more , I'll be in Form 5 classes already , and what am i doing here?

God knows how much time I've wasted......god knows..

I've been wasting so so so much time..and complaining about it everyday about how much i miss the past. Geeeeez , seriously , i hate myself.

I don't know where to start. I have wasted good 16 years of my life. I can't have a perfect life anymore..and i don't know how to 'perfectionize' it. I wanna restart life so badly..i promise i will study hard..play less...and undo those things..and i wont , definitely wont repeat my mistakes..

You know how many mistakes I've done. You know it.

Despair.

zzz

2011-07-12T21:11:00.000+08:00

I like this picture of myself ..I looked really happy. :D

School are having Pre Carnival Sales these 2 weeks. Argh all the delicious food , one of the reason why I'm gaining weight.

Omg I'm out of topic to blog about ! Failed blogger.

Noooooooooooooooo! My blog posts used to be super darn long !

This is Malaysia

2011-07-11T18:39:00.000+08:00

Before you start reading this post , watch the video above, just incase you don't know what happened .

They only asked for one thing :

CLEAN AND FAIR ELECTION.

As you can see , the protestals are protesting in a civilised way. They did not bring weapons or anything to attack.

But the police....

What have they done to deserve this??

I thought police are supposed to protect the people , but what are they doing now? How disappointing !

I actually teared a lil watching the video above.

After so many years , we , the Malaysians ,we all understood that we're not as united at all before this. After Bersih 2.0 launched , now the Chinese , Malays , Indians are all united !

Finally.

FYI , its already 141, 029.

Bye Najib .

zzz.

Bersih 2.0 in Melbourne, Aussie.

Taiwan.

Korea.

Meet Aunty Bersih , Malaysian Lady Of Liberty.

Don't know her? Watch the video above.

I like this picture. Its like some poster ! Wooooo.
I like.
Yellow is a beautiful colour. Really.

Sensitive topic , so let the pictures and videos do the talking.

david

2011-07-06T22:16:00.000+08:00

2 days ago , i went to walk around Summit with my parents and lil brotha. As usual , i went to Popular book shop before we leave.

Was so desperate to find a book to read because i was super bored at home.

Picked this book at last.

Thought it'd be boring. Surprisingly , its not . And its very depressing. Its like...... Falling Leaves by Adeline Yen Mah. Both had a horrible childhood life.

This book , inspired me a lot. He's not just a normal foster child , but a very successful foster child who is now a retired Air Force aircrew member.

If you read this , confirm cry alone in bed at night. LOL

Anyway this book is a sequel to ''A Child Called It''. Ish should've bought that first.

This is the author , Dave Pelzer when he's still a kid.

Adorable .
This is the current him . Age around ..50.
This is Dave's mother who abused him when he's a child. Like , forced him to eat his own vomit , starved him , canned him...
Young days.

Chic flicks don't inspire you like how non-fictions book do.

talk about being grateful

2011-07-04T20:29:00.000+08:00

I wanted to update a little about the Bangkok trip i went last 2 weeks but urghhhh its so lag to upload pictures.

Infact I'm so not satisfied with all my pictures. I looked horrible and very fat.

Just skip that topic .

And I was reading this new book i bought from Popular yesterday , The Lost Boy by Dave Pelzer.

Actually i wanted to buy the other book , and i ''accidentally' took this book and i regretted a little because i thought it'll be like some stupid tedious book zzz.

Shit , im addicted to the ''zzz'' thing. ZZZ.

Ok back to the topic. And since i bought it , i thought , it's a non-fiction book , about true stories , so should be okay. And i finished reading 3/4 of the book. It was so sad . :(

I went tuition after school, i wasn't hungry. But i was craving for MCD's burger so eagerly. I waited for so long until that tuition to end. I told myself : I MUST EAT MCD BURGER TODAY.

'' Mommy please please please i want to eat MCD i haven't eat my lunch eh.'' I gave her the super kesian face.

''Seriously? You ah , everyday eat those unhealthy food...'' *drove towards MCD*

I'm so so so so so much luckier than the kid in The Lost Boy.

Should be grateful.

:'(

2011-06-30T20:37:00.000+08:00

带我走，或者我跟你走。

看过自己挣扎；看过自己跌倒；看过自己无力爬起。。。

我不再奢望什么。

:(

2011-06-28T19:36:00.000+08:00

Life is so easy when you're told what to do
Where to work and how to be you .

Im tired.

i dont like it.

CFN 2011

2011-06-19T20:54:00.000+08:00

18.6.2011 ,

104TH SCOUTS 11TH CAMP FIRE NIGHT 2011 DEJAVU.

It was awesome..

These are the organizing commitee !

Say HI to our very own Ling Na Na!

Creative but creepy. @.@

Meet the Form 3s !

Guo Zhi as the joker. I think.

Dylan. Dancer.

Philip. Xavier.

Ex seniors :)

Fire people ! So united :')

Stole one of them home !

Cython !

girls dancers :)

2009.

2009's fire.

2009. Philip amd Dylan.

2010's Fire people & me & sister from opening act.

2010's CFN.

Words are needless now.

Cape no.7

2011-06-14T21:04:00.000+08:00

怎么要花这么大的力气来放下？

一直到双手像枯树一样斑驳

这些字才想起了当时的温柔

一直到邮差走过千万个门口

这些信才想起了流浪的理由

一封封情书穿越缓慢的时空

代替我来不及说的含情默默

我相信离开终究会有始有终

有一天我将会为你描写彩虹

一直到海角吞没船尾的脸孔

这港湾才扬起那咸咸的海风

一直到时间终于一去不回头

这些信才回到我爱人的手中

一封封情书穿越缓慢的时空

代替我等了好久的十指相拥

我知道回去不一定一路顺风

只希望有天好好梳你的白头

海角七号。

Do not

2011-06-09T01:44:00.000+08:00

I'm not a good daughter.

I'm not a good sister.

I'm not a good student.

I'm not a good friend.

I'm not a good senior.

I'm not a good junior.

I just don't put effort in doing stuffs , and i failed and failed and failed..for the thousandth time , and i am still failing .

I went to Ikea today..I remember when i was 7 , my parents always brought me there and dropped me at the children's playground there. There's movies to watch , tables for colouring and drawing , and a big corner filled with hundreds of balls. I remember i used to stood outside the corner , and jump into the balls. It feels so great to be surrounded by the balls :)

And there's a lot a lot of colourful balls , i remember that i even stole one of it because its too pretty ! Of course , the ball is in my beautiful light blue colour :)

And then , because both of my sisters are not allowed to enter because children aged below 10 only can enter the children's corner. So i always entered alone. Once , i felt so lonely and i wanted to cry. I scribbled on a paper halfway , i decided to walk up to the girl who's in charged taking care of the kids. I told her my mom's name and age and wants her to make an announcement. And she actually did ! Whole Ikea were announced. I remember her announced my mom's name and said :''please proceed to the children's corner as your daughter is waiting for you here.''

My mom rushed there because she thought something happened. She wasn't supposed to pick me up that early.

Well those were the random thoughts. And i actually have special feelings for some places...like Genting..Ikea..Mega Kids..Cameron Highlands..

Strong feelings.

Those places , i went there a couple of time when i was young. Those memories ...so clear yet so misty.

This is February 2011. 1st time visited Ikea after so many years. With only dad and mom and without my siblings. I felt like I'm back to the old times again. Its hard to control the feelings when you saw the stuffs are still the same as 10 years ago , but thing's are already too different to recall.

This is November 2010. I was in a Leo Camp in Cameron Highlands. After so so so many years, i visited Cameron again. Without visiting strawberry farm , tea plantation , the lil cafe me and my family used to go 10 years ago..with lil biscuits and the tea. Argh. I miss.

Somehow the current Cameron ,not as nice as last time anymore. Dude , is there still anyone visiting this place?? No more.

November 2010 , Genting with friends. We're all grownups , instead of the Venice Boat Ride , Bumper Cars , Flying Boat Ride...we played the corkscrew , all sorts of roller coasters..

I mean , i used to ride the flying boat ride when i was young. It was so peaceful and beautiful back then.

Time flies...I'm already 16. Things aren't gonna be the same anymore.

This is the last time I went Genting with family. March 2010. I looked so happy..

Oh well. There's nothing I can do to stop the time.

Even though I've tried so so hard to do that.

And of course , this is Kiew Yee Pei , and she failed.

:(

2011-06-04T15:42:00.000+08:00

Its back...its coming back.

This time , its not gonna be a war. Because , i am not gonna fight for it.

I gave up..