thislife

I'm not gonna lie , I kinda like this picture. I looked so happy. :)

So...... school reopen for already a week. I got in 5Cekap.. forever alone there because non of my close friends are in the same class with me :/ Sigh. Nasib.

I started all my tuitions , 9 freaking tuitions and I almost got killed by them. I was so exhausted and sleepy every single day and in school I'm like sleep walking.

I tried real hard not to think/ say that 2012 sucks and its the same as 2011. I tried so hard to avoid that topic because people often said if we think its bad then it'll be worse , so ...that's why , I have to stay positive. Though 2012 isn't easy for me.

10 , only 10 days in 2012. I cried 4 times.

Friends've been asking me am I too stressed lately because my forehead grew a lot a lot of pimples. I was shocked also , and completely lost hope in curing it. They pop out non-stop ! Its like , this one cured but another one popped out the 2nd day. Fedup. :(

I told my friends , no , no I am not stress at all. But this friend of mine said :'' I think you very stress lor , you see your pimples , and I was watching you just now , you were frowning all the time. Chill la friend.''

I was bloody tired but I had to go to accounts tuition in half an hour time yesterday in school. I was so tired that I almost cried because I wish to sleep. My friends asked me to drop accounts because I'm not even interested in this subject. I refused to drop because , if I dropped , I'll be only taking 10 subjects in SPM and my dreams to get double-digit A's will be ...much more harder.

Why must I get? Easy , because both my sisters got that in their SPM and of course I want to be the same  beat them.

I know , double digits... not easy AT ALL. 

ZhiXian brought me a few brochures from Education Fair. All these are all about Hotel Management and Hospitality courses. I told her , :''I don't think I'll be studying all that. I wanna study something Science.''

''Why?''

''Because both my sisters studying that?''

''Omg you're under pressure  , confirm ! Don't mind , don't care bout what course your sisters taking , how many A's they got , just study for yourself ok. Quit accounts if you really cannot tahan ! Since you dislike that subject that much. And study what you want ! You got no interests in Science and studying Science will be very hard for you then.''

''....''

I don't know , yeap maybe I am. I used to cry alone in room after my mom compared me with my sisters. I lost to them , in UPSR , PMR , normal tests....

To gain respect in my family , there's only one more chance left , SPM.

I have only ONE shot left. One. And I can't fail this . I can't.

I'm tired. Its OK to be tired , but...I scared I can't catch up. I didn't study hard in Form 4 ..................

Confession ............... I'm still as depressed as before in 2012. I just have to admit that.

But if I can get a good results in SPM , who cares if I am still depressed for my whole life? 

If only I can.

What a life.