So ...another one more hour to 2012.
And I saw this very lame & ridiculous Facebook status :'' Don't go into the toilet during 11.59pm of the last day of 2011 because you will come out next year.''
I was like omgggggg , so lame ! So I shared it with my parents and they don't quite get it at first.
Anyway , yah , just saying.
1 more hour. Even the day before today I was already superb nervous & scared. To be honest , Yes , I am very very scared because I don't wanna face anymore things like what I had to face in 2011. Those moments , I swear , those were the worst days of my life in these 16 years.
I was like , what was I thinking last time? Complaining life , because of what?
Because of relationship stuffs? Studies??? (that time I'm not even taking pmr yet)
Now I feel stupid for who I was last time. Now , now I know , whats called hard , whats tough and whats suffering.
2009's new year's eve , I wished for a better year because my life was so dull in 2009 , thats what I thought .... 2010's obviously harder , but I had a lot of great times...again , I wished for a better year 2011 , this time , this time , 2011 seriously made my jaw dropped . I was so sad , so negative throughout the whole year . I was determined to study at first since I wasn't satisfied with my PMR results , after somethings happened , I refused to study and no matter how hard I tried to 'talk' to myself , I still won't study. I know it sounds stupid cos .. I don't know. Life was just hard for me , I have issues of everything - family , friends , studies , time management , MYSELF...
Maybe I wasn't THAT miserable , maybe I was just exaggerating? But I don't know , I really felt like stopping the life & all...... I know , I should be grateful. This may be just a small challenge in life. Omg is this is a small challenge , I'll seriously die when it comes to BIG challenges. No no no.
Everyone had their hardtimes , not only me. I know this well because I totally feel like slapping people when they complain stuffs to me and DEMAND me to comfort them or settle problems for them WHEN I HAVE MY OWN PROBLEMS TOO. But, you can't blame them ..as I said , everyone had their own hardtimes & you will never know , how hard their lives are.
2011 , I screwed up everything. Yeah everything.
I'm a sucker that eventhough I knew I am going to regret for not studying hard I still don't study. -.-
SPM year , if I am gonna screw this up again , I might as well not live. SPM is bloody important that if...if I repeat my mistakes again...I really don't know what should I do.
2012 , I used to hope that the world's ending in 2012 , I mean yeap , I have a lot things not done yet but since everyone's dying together , everyone have regrets too , and why not? And I can rest :) After voicing out my fab opinion , I got scolded by friends.....
I still am thinking this way. I mean... ahhh fine , the world will end someday. Eventhough if its not gonna end , what can I do? What can I actually do besides going on with my life?
There's nothing I can do except for moving on.
Speaking bout moving on. I don't think I am that great to move on from the past yet.
Or should I say this way , I DON'T WANT TO?
Past has always been the source of my happiness , when I think back I can actually smile at myself , cry...tears. Everything.
I had a few sleepless nights and I thought of a lot a lot memories of past few years , everything's so beautiful , I can't resist not living in it. You got no idea how addictive it is.
40 minutes more. I am scared.
I saw a star just now and its so beautiful ! Unlike other people , I'm not as romantic as them , I don't like moon because to me , stars are rarer than moon. And stars are smaller , harder to find and spot :) & most of all.....moon is not beautiful to me.
So everytime I see a star , I make a wish . It doesn't matter will all the wishes come true or not...I don't know why am I doing it either. I'll be a lil happier after making wishes anyway.
These are a few people that I truly appreciate every of them.
My parents
I treasure every of you really. really .
I am a Buddhist . But I dont usually pray , but I prayed this time. Dear one that is watching me from up there , I promise I'll be a good girl , I'll try my best to be disciplined. I'll not do bad things. Please be good to me. I was so sad this year and I've never been this ugly and fat before. Really :( Please be good to me. Please.
I didn't think of myself walking this far , I am 17. Seventeen ! I've never imagine myself in the age of 17 before. I am a young adult already. Sooner , I'll be doing my SPM , going to college , Uni after that , work , get married or stay single..work.....work.......until I die.
I can never go back to those times playing toys , climbing monkey bar in the park...jogging in MPSJ ...playing basketball...drawing on A4 papers... I know , I'll never be there again.
I'll never go back to any of the moments anymore.
I am sad .
BUT what can I do? theres nothing I can do besides bearing with it.
I just want everything to be over fast....
To be honest , I am very tired although its holidays. I am tired. School's reopening soon and tuitions , kokurikulums...studies...everything.
I can , right?
I think I can.
I think I can.
2012.
~Yeepei.
Do you actually remember 2 years ago. I saw you during the same new year's eve also?
Too bad , we will never see each other again.
I don't mean it when I wished my friends Happy New Year...but I mean it now. Happy New Year ...........<3
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